Chasing Caitlyn
by xoxoemily
Summary: NAITLYN. Nate and Caitlyn have been over for five years, so why doesn't it feel that way? And how come EVERYONE has something to say about it?.
1. Chapter 1

TO: YOU

It's been exactly five years. Five years since I've actually seen your face. Five years since I've kissed your lips. Five years since I've been truly happy. I still remember that horrible day. The day I lost you is crystal clear in my mind, because I think about it every night, before I go to bed _without_ you.

It was March 5th, 2005. I had just got home from that tour around the world, playing charity concerts for orphans in Africa. As soon I had opened the door, you jumped into my arms. After all, we hadn't seen each other for 6 months. After a chaste kiss, you had looked me square in the eye and said those five little words that would have crushed any heart, "Listen, we need to talk".

You had said that we didn't spend enough time together, our love died. I argued back, saying love never dies. Was everything we'd been through for nothing? Then before your final goodbye, you said you were sorry you had rather have your boyfriend at home with you, not saving the lives of poor orphans. I forgave you of course, because I would rather have my girlfriend than saved orphans. You were Caitlyn and I was Nate. We were perfect together, just two selfish hearts in unison. You walked out the door and never looked back. I wish I could say the same about me.

It's been a while now, and I like to think I'm all better. The romantics would say I've been cured of a broken heart. The realists would say I'm forever bound to you. I'm married to an agreeable wife who loves me for me, not a former rockstar. I have to say I love her back, but not in the way I loved you, and never that way.

She looks just like you. Her name is Alyson. She's got the curly hair, the megawatt smile, and long legs. But, her hair doesn't have the extra bounce yours does, her smile doesn't shine as bright as yours, and her walk just doesn't glide like yours.

She says she wants to have a baby, with the curly hair and brown eyes. I'd be lying if I said I was ready to raise a mini-you, just so I could be reminded everyday of what would have, could have, should have happened. So, I suck it up and tell her I'm just not ready. I know sooner or later I'll have to give in, but I hope it'll be later.

Hey, I got your Christmas card today. I added to the box in my closet dedicated to us. It was the first time I've heard from you in years. You look fantastic, better than ever. The picture of you on the swings reminded me of the good old days, when you used to make me push you on the swings ALL THE TIME. When you finally got to the top, you'd flap your hands and pretend you were a bird, as if you were five years old, not nineteen.

We were young but so happy. So why did it end? Am I really just worthy of a "Hi Nate, Merry Christmas from Caitlyn? I've never been one to believe all good things come to an end. I see that you lost the spark in your eyes somehow, but kept your maiden name. That enough is to keep me going. The chance that you might still be out there, untaken by any other lucky son of a bitch guy, is the chicken soup for my soul.

So there, my soul has been bared to the woman I loved, no, still love. I know you will just read my letter, probably toss it out, then carry on with your life. But just the thought of you alone, with no one to hold, and me wishing I was there to hold you, is the fuel to my fire. Only hope will keep me alive, if I can't have you. And only hope I have. So have a Merry fucking Christmas. I know I will.

FROM:ME


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

My whole life, I've been a simple girl. I was always just plain Allie. As a little girl, I just wanted a whirlwind romance, with the white picket fence, and gorgeous little kids. The cookie cutter American Dream.

When I met you, I thought you were the one. The one to make my simple, plain dream come true. How wrong I was. Before I was just Allie, now I'm Alyson Collette Jacobson Black, wife of the ex-rockstar Nate Black aka you. You made everything complicated. I don't like complicated. Why would you do that to me? I love you and after all the simplicity and peace you've taken from me, you can't just give me this last thing I want.

All I want is a little Alyson, or a little Nate. I ask again and again and each time you say, "I'm just not ready to be a father". I know that's not true because I'm a woman. It's because of her, right? I know it's because of her.

Don't pretend you still love me. Don't pretend you don't love her anymore. I know you've never stopped loving her. She must be one hell of a girl, Nate, a girl special enough to have a whole box dedicated in OUR closet to her. I've never looked in there because I love you and respect your privacy, but these days, I'm not so sure. This girl must have broken you if you can't just give your wife the one thing she wants.

So what does this make me? Tacky glue? Your fixer upper? Will I ever be as good as she was? I can promise you that I'll never be her, and I know you know that I can never be her. So why are you being so mean? After all the pain you've put me through, at least just give me a baby! Why can't I just let you go and find another man? Oh wait, I know. It's because I love you. I love you and your rockstar DNA. You made it all complicated.

I've never wanted anything more in my life. So I ask again, this time at breakfast, in the sweet voice I've got down cold. You don't even glance up at me when I ask anymore. You just say that retched speech I've got memorized by now. "I'm just not ready to be a father." You'd be ready if it were her baby. I leave you alone, because you're stubborn as crap. But I know one day, I'll break you down. I leave to pick up the mail. I bring you a Christmas card, from an unfamiliar address. When I hand it to you, your eyes pop, and you rip open the envelope with such strength, it shocks both of us.

That's when it hits me. Oh my god. It's from her right? I peek over your shoulders to get a glimpse of the picture. She's beautiful. She looks just like me. Or should I say I look just like her? Her name is Caitlyn, huh. It's nice to put a name to the girl I've been silently hating for months. But the dream stealer is not to blame. It's you. You put me through the wringer. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be played with.

You know who else doesn't deserve this? Caitlyn. It's your fault, I know it. It doesn't seem like she'll be knocking at our front door any time soon. So how come I can't help but put the blame on her? Am I getting in the way of destiny? Am I the other woman? Or is she?

You start to shake and say, "Oh my god", over and over again. You dash up the stairs. To put it in your memory box, I bet. I mean, how excited can you get over a "To:Nate, Merry Christmas. From Caitlyn." One day, I'll open that box and unleash all your secrets. Maybe then, you'll take me seriously. Take us seriously. Take the nonexistent child we share seriously.

I'll open it tomorrow, I swear. I'll find out what she really means to you, and what I never meant to you. Yeah Yeah. I've been telling myself that every day for a year now. I'll do it tomorrow.

Why the hell did you make everything so complicated? That's what you do best. Nate Black, you make everything complicated. And I don't like complicated.


	3. Chapter 3

God, who's retarded idea was this? Everyone who knows me knows that I am the world's least organized person, except you obviously. So why did you even bring up the idea of a Christmas party to show our holiday pride. You knew I would flip a shit. Twice. Yeah, enough said.

How am I supposed to get invitations, a caterer, and decorations in one day? I know I can't do this, so why the hell did I say I could? That's me, Mitchie Gray, the girl who can't say no. So when you flashed me a desperate look and said "Baby, can't you do this? You know I'm horrible at these kind of things?", I just nodded my head and agreed. Just a look was enough to sway me? Damnit! How could I be so stupid? AHHH! Oh crap, I just ripped out half the phone book. AHHHHH even more!

You know what? I think I'll call people first. First up on your list of invitees, Nate and Alyson. Ew, Alyson. I never really liked that girl. Whatever, I need to suck it up. I dial the unfamiliar number, since we haven't talked to Nate and Co. since they got married. I hear the ringing for a couple of seconds.

"Hello." I hear Alyson's sickly sweet voice. It sounds so matriarchy and dull. It sounds like it comes from a girl who has known what she wanted her whole life. She's a planned out dreamer that one. So unlike Caitlyn, the spontaneous girl that we used to love to death.

"Hi Alyson, it's Mitchie!" I reply with my perkiest voice, trying my hardest to sound sincere. I know, I know. I promised to be nice for your sake. You always say, "It's Nate's wife, come on. Be nice". See? This is why YOU should have handled the planning.

"Oh. Hello Mitchie, what can I do for you today?" She answers with a stone cold voice. I know she doesn't like me. Whatever, its not like I like her. Why do we even bother to be civil? Oh yeah, our husbands are BFFS.

"You can come to me and Shane's Christmas party!" I say, trying to break the tension. "It's tomorrow, at 7pm. Be there or be square!" I hang up. Phew. Glad that's over.

I continue down the list, calling Ella, Jason, Peggy, you know, the usual. Suddenly, a face pops into my head. Caitlyn. Wow, I haven't seen her for a while. It's been a long 4 years I guess. Hmmph. We used to be best friends. When your best friend, the just brilliant Nate Black decided to marry that uptight Alyson, I figured I'd never see you again. OH WAIT. BRAIN BURST. This is the perfect way to reconnect! I'll invite her to the party. Gosh, this is the greatest idea I've had all day.

I dial her number, but get an answering machine. "Hey, you've reached Caitlyn. I'm probably off looking for an answer to my non existent love life. So leave a message!".

Wow, when did she get so cynical?!?!? Whatever. I'll call her again later. Now on to the caterer!

Arghhhh! Sometimes I hate you Shane Gray. How could you do this to me? This is my own husband make me do this!?!??! ARGHHHHH


	4. Chapter 4

Anyway enjoy and tell your friends about this story!!

Wait what? Did I just hear my parents just tell me that they didn't like you, the All-American god!?!?! Do I need to get my ears checked!?!?! Have they gone crazy? Maybe it's too much sea air. Okay let's flash back to three hours ago:

"Calm down Caitlyn," you told me for the third time in an hour. He was meeting my parents for the first time. Not to mention this was the first time I've seen my parents for a whole year. They've been on their latest cruise ship, sailing around the Mediterranean . My parents own a chain of cruise ships. They're the 'Hiltons' of the sea!

I rang the doorbell again. Suddenly, the door swung open, revealing my very…uhm….flamboyant…dressed mother. "Darling!" she squeals and hugs me super tight. How this zebra print dressed woman ever gave birth to me is quite confuddling. "This must be Greg!" she squeals in the voice again.

"Hello Mrs. Gellar. How are you today?" I hear you greet my mother warmly. I grin. I find no reason for my parents to not like you. You're the Stanford alumni, neurosurgeon with blond hair, blue eyes and a natural knack for football. Not my type, but somehow you saved me when I needed someone most.

My mom ushered us inside their brownstone mansion where my dad gave me a hug. We sat down and had dinner, and caught up with our lives. They're new ship, the Caitlyn, named for yours truly had new state of the art technology, whereas our 6-month anniversary was coming up. We made small talk, and I made sure to drop hints about your parent perfectness. Dinner ended, and I went into the kitchen to help my mom clean up. You and my dad went to watch football. Ew. That's where my mom dropped the bomb. "He's a nice kid, but not for you."

Fast forward to the present!

"What?" I say gasping. I almost dropped the plate I was drying. "Why?"

"He's just not your type, Caitlyn" she replies calm as ever. Then it hits me. Oh. Ohhh. OHHHHH! I realize why now.

"It's because of him right? The one that got away? Mr. Perfect?" I ask, feeling my blood slightly boil. Greg, the brain surgeon is the total anti Nate, the hip musician.

"I don't see why you ended it with Nate. You know he's married now? He's third on Forbes' list of most influential musicians of all time," she brags to me as if I didn't know all that. Please. Yeah yeah shut up. I google my ex-boyfriend. I'm a loser.

"He was just gone too long, its over now, mother. Did you know Greg is a Princeton alumni" I try to change the subject.

"I heard. I still don't think he's for you. What little you have with him is nothing compared with what you had with Nate. You're not happy Caitlyn. I can tell, I'm your mother. You need to reorganize your priorities. End it with Greg before he gets too involved." She tells me straight in the eye. As absent as she has been, I still strongly value my mom's opinion

"Okay. Thanks mom. I'll think about what you said," I reply with a pang in my heart. My mom made me think of Nate again, and I think she notices. But before she can make another snarky but true comment, you walk in. Saved by the…boyfriend?

You walk in and kiss my cheek, my mother's glare on his back. "What's happening in here, Caity?" you say casually. I jerk back and reply with my own snappy comment in a bitchy voice that could challenge Tess Tyler. "Don't ever call me that." I enunciate ever word clearly. I can see my mom leave the room because she has enough proof to know for sure I'm not over Nate. Only Nate called me Caity.

"Chill Caity, I mean Caitlyn. What's wrong? Old boyfriend call you that?" you say sarcastically. Now I can tell why my mom says you're not my type. Are you only here to push my buttons? Do you actually care about me?

"In fact yes," I say trying to keep my cool. It wasn't working.

"Was he as good as me?" you ask. Wait where did that come from? You're not one of those sleazy whambamthankyoumam kinda guys? Or at least I didn't think you did. Okay now this is really pissing me off. I'm getting ready to end this, right here, right now. A la High School Musical.

"I wouldn't know since I haven't slept with you. But he wasn't lacking in that department I can tell you." I throw in that last part just to piss you off. How did I even get started on this rant? Whatever. There's no stopping me when I'm on a roll.

"Ouch." You feign hurt. I can see now that you think I'm a joke. That we're a joke. What the hell? We're done for sure now.

"We're done. Forever. Why don't you leave?" I tell him. Without a word, he just leaves. Just the way I wanted it to be. I'm free. I've been liberated. I'm not trapped behind you now.

"I'm proud of you darling. You made the right choice," my mom says, reappearing.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna head out now. Nice seeing you guys again. I'll call soon." I say rushed, hasty with my goodbye.

I put on my coat and check my phone. One missed call. Michaela Gray my caller ID flashes. What does Mitchie want?

Damn that Nate Black. Even after all these years, he still runs through my mind. I think I hate him for breaking my heart. So why doesn't it feel like it? Did I just break my own heart? I shut the door, and shut Nate out of my mind again, like I have been for the last 5 years.


	5. Chapter 5

I couldnt do it. I'm a coward. Nate Black, coward, that's who I am. The only thing I know how to do is run away from the ones I love. I haven't talked to Shane and Jason in months. My ex-bandmates. I can't give Alyson the one thing she's wanted her whole life. And worse of all, I can't even send the girl I've loved my entire life a simple letter.

You sent me a Christmas card. I never thought a Costco printed red and green piece of holiday cheer would make me so happy. Is that your idea of a peace offering? A 'Sorry Nate I haven't spoken to you in forever"? Or even better a "I still love you Nate". So the least I could do was send you something back. I wrote a whole page to you. My soul barred, my deepest emotions revealed. I was ready at the post office, with a happy sunflower stamp plastered on the clean white envelope, pure as snow. But then I realize, what if you don't want this letter? I couldn't ruin the one thing you ever truly loved, Christmas. After all I did to hurt you, I just couldn't ruin your Christmas. So I shredded the letter and donated fifty bucks to the hobo outside, in your honor. How sweet right? Not.

I come home, eat dinner, attempt to write a song for old time's sake. Old time's sake. Who the hell am I kidding? Not Alyson, not you for sure. I've been doing what I've been doing for the last three years. My life used to be thrilling. Me and Alyson, two broken hearts. We stitched each other back to health. But lately, the stitches have been becoming undone. I miss you more than ever. I open our box every night now to inhale your scent, the sweet smell of the Vera Wang Princess I bought for you, my princess. I reread all the letters you wrote me, in your half cursive, half jagged writing. One of these days, I know Alyson will catch me. So why don't I care? I'm just waiting.

Waiting for this to blow up in my face. Waiting for her to leave me because I'm too cowardly to leave her.

I have a feeling she knows. She knows I still love you. Is she too cowardly to leave me too? Are we just two cowards, perfect for each other?

We're living in a doll's house, Alyson and I. We look perfect, act perfect, but are far from perfect. We got boring after a while, just like dolls. You and I were never boring. You in your neon green shirt and checkered converse, on my band shirt covered arm. We made quite a couple. Everything we did, I remember. I remember your 20th birthday, the last birthday we spent together. I bought you the latest state of the the art producing equipment. My little producer didn't need a stage to shine. I wonder if you still produce. I try to write songs, but I can't. I lost my inspiration. The last song I wrote was so depressing, it made Alyson cry.

I thought I saw you the other day, wearing a zebra print coat, at Safeway. "You" turned around, and turns out, it wasn't you. It was your mom. I went up and said Hi and asked how you were doing. Your mom just shook her head and said you could be better. She told me that I would have made the greatest son-in-law, unlike this new Greg guy. Greg? Who's Greg? Is he messing with you? I'll kick his ass, Caity. Good thing you and him are done though. I gave her a hug and she asked me if I were happy in my marriage. How did she know? Is it that obvious? Or does your mom just carry a torch for a little Naitlyn baby like she always has? I just mumbled a "could be better" and said a quick goodbye.

I walked down the pet food aisle, looking for some more dog food. For Blondie, my dog. OUR dog. Well it used to be our dog. You left him in the dust, just like how you left me in the dust when you walked away. I saw a little girl with curly brown hair and deep brown eyes. She was in the arms of her daddy. I can't help but imagine what our baby would have looked like. But no, these days, all I hear is "Nate, I think we're ready to become parents" or "Nate, the biological clock is ticking for me" from Alyson. BlahBlahBlah.

All this thinking about you has made me even sadder. I think I'll go up and inhale some of our memories, hoping they'll come back. I open the closet door, and pull out a flowery hat box labeled, us. I look at all our photo albums,"At Camp Rock", "Mitchie's Birthday", "On Tour". The memories come flooding in, and the tears go flooding out. And that's how she found me, Alyson, that is. She said, "Nate, what the fuck is going on?"

At first, I thought Alyson would be like you. I realize she's just been a failed distraction. She doesn't make funny jokes, she's slightly cold, and she smells like tangy citrus, not flowery Princess.

Oh shit, is this the moment I've been waiting for? Is Alyson going to leave me for being such a bad husband or will she be holding on the dream of a baby? Am I going to grow some balls and leave her? At this point, I don't give a shit. I don't care if Alyson takes all my money and the estate. I just need to get out of this marriage. I just need some fresh air. You were fresh air, Caitlyn. You know what? I think I need another whiff of Caitlyn. So I inhale you again.

I'd do anything for you, except mail a letter. What the hell? Why am I such a coward?


	6. Chapter 6

Holy Fuck. What the hell is going on? My husband of three years, the hardcore emotionless Nate Black is sitting on the floor of our closet, crying his eyes out. What gives? And what's he holding in his hands? I ask him again, but he still just sits there. I peer closer and I see that there's a picture in his hands. It's a picture of you and him. You as in Caitlyn. The girl "that got away". It's a beautiful picture, I would know. I was a photographer before I got married. That's how Nate and I met actually. At a photoshoot for Vanity Fair magazine, we just hit it off right then and there.

You and Nate are at the beach, with his arms wrapped around you from behind. It's a black and white picture, but somehow you can see the bright sun illumnating from behind your bouncy curls. You both are wearing smiles so big, they almost take up the whole 4x6 aged picture.

When he realizes I've been watching him cry for the last five minutes, he finally stops and whispers a hoarse "I'm sorry Allie" He hasn't called me Allie in months. That just set me off, and I started crying too. Him for his lost love, me for my lost marriage. We just sat there on the closet floor, crying together. When all the tears were gone, it was me who started the small talk.

"So Mitchie called earlier, we're going to her Christmas party this week." I start out saying, breaking the ice. God, I sound like a nervous teenager. Oh wait, that's what I basically am these days. Grown women don't sit on closet floors crying with their husbands. Husbands, that word sounds so unfamiliar, like a cold steel bench on a frosty day.

"Okay," he replied, emotionless as always.

"You know, she might be there." I hear myself say. Shit, Alyson. Why did I just say that? Didn't your parents teach you to avoid the big pink elephant in the room? I just screwed my marriage over. I have no one to blame but me. My husband looks up at me, his bloodshot eyes full of shock. "You can heal whatever needs to be healed, Natey." I coo, using the pet name I called him when we were dating.

"Thanks, Alyson. I appreciate your understanding." he answers. Isn't it funny how a married couple can communicate about such a taboo subject without mentioning it once? I forgive you in advance for stealing my husband. Is it still considered stealing if he was yours to begin with? Should I be the one to be asking for forgiveness? Well the word sorry won't be coming out of my mouth anytime soon. I know they should be, but I didn't even know about you until recently. And I'm too selfish to admit that Nate and I weren't meant to be. I think I'm allowed to be selfish after all the Nate has done to me, for you.

I think my dream of a baby has just been thrown out the window. Actually, it was never in the window, it's always been out. I carefully take the crinkling photo out of his hands. I can tell this isn't the first time that it's been cried on. I take one last look at it, and put it in the hat box carefully. Inside, there's cards, photos, original sheet music for songs. Did he write 'When You Look Me In The Eyes' for you? He's never written me a song. The box smells like Vera Wang Princess. Were you his princess? There's handwritten loves notes in there, yellowing on the sides. Is the half cursive, half jagged print intentional? Or are you just quirky like that?

I can't help but think of you. What do you really look like? Do you actually wear neon pink tanktops with lime green converse? Am I as good as you were? Who ended it? Was it you? Or him? Am I as loving as you were? You know, my own husband hasn't told me he loved me geniunely for months. My marriage is crumbling to the ground, like a half eaten graham cracker.

I'd like to think it's because of you, but it's not. Now, I do what I do best, I fix things. I make them all better. I need to fix what you broke. I close the box and lead my husband away. Most people wouldn't say this, but Caitlyn -unknown last name- I can't wait to meet you at the Christmas party.


	7. Chapter 7

I do some crazy-ass things when I'm drunk. Not go skinny-dipping-in-the-neighbor's-pool crazy. Not wear-a-tank-top-and-short-shorts-in-winter crazy. But make-out-with-my-exboyfriend-I've-been-trying-to-forget-for-the-past-five-years crazy, who not to mention is married. The worst part isn't the killer hangover the next day, it's that I can remember every single detail of the retarded things I do when I'm drunk as a skunk. Really, I should have my own JACKASS show. I'd win like a bazillion Emmys.

It all started at Mitchie and Shane's Christmas party at The Grand America Hotel. Apparently this little shindig is annual. Why wasn't I invited? Everyone knows only Caitlyn Gellar brings the life to a party. Love was definitely in the air, or should I say lust? This whole party reeked of love fest, not holiday cheer. Mitchie got a band called Love is the Reason. Ironic, huh? Mitchie and Shane were upstairs doing only God knows what. I have a feeling God really didn't want to know.

Jason and a girl named Rachael were dancing to the beat of a song called Camp Rockians. Wow Mitch, who's brilliant idea was it to write a song about a camp? I bet Shane paid Love is the Reason big bucks to write that one. Cause Shane's just the brightest crayon in the box. This place was full of memories of you. I still wear the Vera Wang Princess you gave me, and my hair is loose like you liked it.

I was making my way over to the open bar when I saw you. You looked exactly the same, but a little bit buffer and older. There was a woman that striked a scary resemblance to me on your arm. I assume she's your wife, Alyson. And out of nowhere, Mitchie just popped out and said with a perky voice, "Caitlyn, you simple MUST catch up with Nate." Before I knew any better (And trust me, if I had known any better, I would have dashed the other direction in a second), Mitchie was leading me towards you and the Mini-me. She was wearing a satin green bubble dress with her hair in a loose bun. She's stunning, Natey. I must give you props for getting a good replacement.

I hear her say, "Well Naitlyn meets again. Caitlyn, Alyson. Alyson, Caitlyn." Wait what? I felt myself getting slightly annoyed with Mitchie. I really didn't want to be dragged into this.

But all my irritation melts away with the sound of your voice. "Good to see you again, Caity. You look gorgeous as always" ARGH, why does your voice have to be so enchanting. Actually why are YOU so enchanting? I looked from you to the woman on your arm with the sparkling rock on her finger, and looked back again. She was sending me daggers with her piercing eyes. I didn't know what to say, but what was exactly running through my head: "I need a drink". So I walked away to the bar, and ordered an apple martini. It was difficult, considering the slinky metallic dress I was wearing. Red and Green is SOOOO overrated.

Halfway through my third martini and almost at the end of telling the bartender my life story, you popped out of nowhere. But this time, without Alyson. You started the small talk with a casual hey, and ordered a scotch on the rocks. I smiled at the order. Nothing's changed about you.

But I can't do this. I snipped a "Cut the small talk, Nate. Where's your wife?" I know there's no chance of us getting back together, so why don't I just end it before it ever starts. I need to protect myself, I can't get broken again.

"Dancing with Shane. So how've ya been?" you replied, as if everything was perfect, and everything that ever went down between us was nonexistent. That's a lot of stuff to ignore.

By that time, I REALLY couldn't do this. So I did the one thing I've learned to shut you up. I couldn't listen to you talk as if we were just old friends. It worked in the past. Deep in my heart, I kinda wanted to do it. So I grabbed you by the beautiful curls and kissed you with all my energy, all my anger at you for not fighting for us, all my sadness that our ship had sailed, and all my hidden joy for seeing you again.

Surprisingly, you kissed back, with just as much passion. Mmmm, you even tasted the same, like cinnamon toothpaste. When we finally pulled apart, you looked in my eyes and said just one word that took my breath away, "Caity." My name on your lips just sounds so right. But you know what's not right? Canoodling with a married man. Married means a wife. And guess who was standing in front of us with a shocked expression on her face? Alyson, you got it. DING DING DING. You and I both saw her. I pushed you away, hoping you would go after her. She didn't deserve this. This was my fault. But instead, you just held me tighter as Alyson walked away, pale as a ghost. As if that were possible. Snicker snicker.

"It's okay" you coo in my ear as I start to cry. What the hell are you talking about? I just did the one thing I swore I'd never do. I kissed you. You as in a married man, as in my ex boyfriend.

"No it's not. You should go Nate. I'm sorry. I got caught up in the past. It won't happen again. Now go after the love of your life" I replied, starting to wipe away my tears. I tried to keep it civil as possible. You started to wipe away my tears and said that you didn't need to, because the love of your life was standing in front of you.

No. No. This isn't right. You can't just come back and waltz into my life whenever you want. You can't just leave for a long time and come back. Remember that's why we broke up? I got my senses back and started to yell at you.

"NO NO. STAY AWAY FROM ME. YOU CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN" I yell at him. I push him away for the last time and run out to the sidewalk. I get in my Mercedes Benz convertible and start the engine. You appeared out of nowhere yet again and ask to talk about it. Shouldn't you be asking Alyson that question? You apologized over and over, but it just sounded like a bad love song. I drove off leaving you in the dust again, while trying to stop the tears. Little did I know, a block away, Alyson was doing the exact same thing.


	8. Chapter 8

My first instinct after you drove away was, "Holy Crap. Are you sober enough to drive?". I can't just let the love of my life drive away because of me and wake up in the morning under a big ass tree trunk. So I get in my car and drive home to find that Christmas card you sent me to get your address. I need to make sure you got home safe. I open the door to my house and plop my keys on the marble counter. I note that Alyson's red Porsche isn't in the driveway. I wonder where she is. Whatever, she'll be fine, you on the other hand...

I rummage through the box of memories until I finally find the card. 4955 Chrysler Lane. Wow, you still live in Los Angeles? How come we haven't run into each other at the grocery store or something? I drive off, at what seems like 2 miles per hour. It was actually 60mph, as I learned when a cop made me pull over.

"ID?" the cop says in a familiar voice. I peer up into his eyes, and recognize his immediately.

"Barron!?!?!" I yelp. "It's me man, Nate!!" I yell excitedly. Barron's eyes light up and ask how I've been. I tell him I can't talk because I'm chasing after you. Barron understands, he knows what that's like. He owes me; after all I did to help him and Lola get together. He lets me off with probation and I drive off yet again.

I finally reach your house. The lights in the front window are on dimly. I ring the doorbell a couple of times, oh screw it, I start knocking like a maniac. Mid knock, the door swings open. Your eyes are puffy, but you still look beautiful as ever in a teal lacy camisole and black short shorts with kisses all over them. In your hand is a bowl of popcorn. Orville Redenbacher, low fat, if I remember correctly.

"What do you want?" you ask, your words sharp was a knife.

"You" I reply. It's korny with a K, but so true.

"Well it's too late for that. Where were you five years ago? Oh wait I remember, you were off touring, while your faithful girlfriend waited back home." you retort. Same Caitlyn I remember. Same wise cracks.

"I know, I'm sorry, but I still love you. I never stopped." I'm practically begging by now, "Can I come in? Please"

You open the door a little bit wider and lead me into your living room. The table is covered with popcorn, all types of Sour Patch Kids gummies, and liters of sparkling lemon water. On you television screen are fuzzy home videos. I look a little bit closer, and see that it's a video from the good old days. Of a concert I dedicated to you. I can hear the crowd scream a little bit louder as I serenade you with 'When You Look Me in the Eyes'.

"You still have these?" I question. I can't believe it. You seem to have magically sobered up. You must be a pro at this.

"Yeah". You seem a little bit embarrassed, "Sit sit". I sit down on the plush couch. I start belting out my life story. By the end of my love professing and story about how Alyson doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

After a really long silence, which was extremely awkward, you take a deep breath and say softly, "You know, I never really stopped loving you either."

My eyes light up and I kiss you this time. Long and soft, a meaningful one, unlike our previous lusty long lost one. Actually scratch that, I'm not complaining. We fit together, perfectly. After you come up for air, you ask what that was for. I simply say I was just making up for lost time. I kiss you again, with just as much passion. I hear you moan a little bit, and my name escapes your lips. Music to my ears. I pick you up bridal style and carry you up the stairs leaving wet kisses along your neck despite your giggles and pleas for me to stop.

I make my way to your bedroom after a few failed doors. I kick the door open and we tumble onto your bed.

"You know, I've been celibate for five years" I hear you say, panting and giggling at the same time.

"Well let's change that" I reply slyly with a kiss on your shoulder blade. Another giggle.

Another kiss. Yet another giggle, this time with a slight moan. A bit more teasing, I think I might have even left a hickey. Why does it feel like we're 18 again, not 27?

"You sure?" I ask. I want to make sure this time. I'm not screwing up. This is so wrong on so many levels, but it feels so right. Like destiny.

You simply nod and off go the skimpy clothes.

The next morning, I wake up on your satin sheets without you. I put on my boxers and a tank top and go exploring your house. A few plaques and producing trophies are on the book shelves stocked with American classics. Pictures of you when you were little are scattered on the walls. Then, in the middle of a plain pale rose picture lies a nicely framed photo of you and me. We're kissing on Mitchie's balcony; both unaware Mitchie was snapping pictures like crazy. Rest assured, Mitchie knows Kodak moments when she sees them. The simplicity of the photo on the simple wall makes me happy all over again.

I smell breakfast coming from the kitchen. I walk in and kiss you good morning.

"Hey stranger" you reply and flip a pancake wearing your bra and panties under the unbuttoned dress shirt I had on last night. Sexy, I must say. A little kiss escalated into a lot more. I was really getting into it until my phone beeped from the table. It was a text, from Alyson. It said "N, don't worry. my parents. Be back in a week -A".

"Who is it?" you ask and peer over my shoulder, reading the message. Shit. I don't want this to end. Reality hit sooner than later to my dismay.

"Oh." You reply coldly. Shit Nate. You know it's over when the one word answers start.

'You know, I think it's time for you to go. Maybe, go see your wife". That last sentence cut me like a knife.

"No, baby. I don't want to." I try to kiss you away and attempt to distract you.

You push me away. Okay, not the reaction I wanted.

"I haven't been your baby for five years and too bad, you don't get a choice. You can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore," you snap back. Woah Woah. Where's the Caitlyn from last night? The one who was screaming my name mid pant?

"What are you talking about?" I ask. I'm seriously confused by now. Did you magically turn bipolar because last night was amazing. I'm pretty sure amazing sex equals forgiveness.

"Are you fucking serious? Look, last night was amazing, but you can't do this again!! You can't waltz back into my life and pretend everything is hunky dory again? It's not!!" you're yelling by now.

"It is hunky dory! You love me, I love you! What's the problem? This isn't high school anymore!" I say back, calmly as possible, even though I feel a little bit silly using your crazy vocabulary.

"What's the problem? You're married that's the problem! You see that ring on your finger!!?! You made a vow, and I expect you to keep it! The Nate I knew and loved wouldn't cheat on his wife and ruin his marriage!" you yell back. Loved? As in past tense? I'm pretty sure your pancakes are burning by now. I calmly walk over and turn off the stove.

"Alyson and I have been over a long time. She doesn't matter Caity. Only you do." I try to convince her. I'm on the verge of yelling.

"No, don't try to sweet talk me. Get your duckies in a line, and either fix it with Alyson or end it. It doesn't matter which. I'll live either way. You can't have anything to do with me, until whatever you have with her is done. Now get out of my house" There are tears cascading down your cheeks. I try to kiss them away, but you push me away.

You're right. I need to end it with her, because there's no way I can go on without you. I've had a taste of the forbidden fruit and it was delicious. I need more, and if I have to end it with Alyson to get it, I will. I pick up my clothes and get ready to leave.

You take off my shirt and reach out towards me, to hand it back. I resist and ask you to keep it. "No, I have enough of you" you insist, so I take it.

We must have made quite an interesting sight. You with your curls all over the place in your hot pink bra and panties crying, while attempting to push an awkwardly formal dressed up me out the door. We made a VERY interesting sight, especially for the girl coming up your threshold into your house. A girl named Mitchie, wearing a surprised expression on her face.


	9. Chapter 9

Oh. My. God. Uhm....this is kinda awkward. Like, really awkward. Like 1,000,000 on an awkward-o-meter. What should I say? Come on, Mitchie. Don't just stand here and stare...

"Uh hi Caitlyn, Nate. I just came to bring your coat, but it looks like you guys are busy" I say breaking the ice.

"No, no. Nate was just leaving." you snap with daggers in your eyes. Nate just gives us a weird nod and walks away.

"Hey, Mitch. You wanna stay for a bit? Catch up?" you ask friendly. Now that Nate's gone, looks like evil snappy Caitlyn is too.

"Sure sure, but you might wanna go in and put some clothes on. I thought I saw a paparazzo stalking my car." I hate to sound so businessy and formal, but it needs to happen. Hell would break loose if the paparazzi saw you and Nate.

"Oh right, cause they still follow you around." you say. I think I can see a little bit of reminiscing in your eyes. Remember the good old days? When you and I would run around and mess with the paparazzi for messing with our boys?

"Yeah, well you know what that's like" I can't think of anything else to say. What are you supposed to say to your ex-best friend? Well not ex, more like drifted.

You lead me into your living room. I like the color scheme. Very pale and soft Caitlyn like. I take a seat on your couch, and help myself to a couple of gummy worms. Then my eyes drift over to a very tall stack of home videos.

"Holy crap. How many of those did you watch last night?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

"Uh, 23, then I got...um...distracted." you say blushing. Then you avoid my eyes by looking for your clothes under the couch. You pull out a teal camisole and pull it over your head. "Where are those shorts?" you mumble to yourself. You find them on your stairs, and put those on as well. Okay, I can't take this anymore.

"Long night Caitlyn?" I raise my eyebrow. Okay bad idea. Big mistake. You burst into tears. Shit Mitchie. How could I be so insensitve? I pull you in for a long hug. A hug to make up for the lost hugs. "You wanna talk about it? Like old times? I'll understand Caitlyn." I say. I probably won't understand your complicated mind, but whatever. I know what it's like to love a rockstar.

"I screwed up, Mitch. Oh my god. The party, seeing him after five years. It just brought up old memories. Oh shit. I slept with him. He's married. He's fucking married. What am I going to do? I think we still have feelings for each other..." you say, between sobs and gasps. My shirt is getting soaked with tears. I don't know what to say, except "It's going to be all right". I just let you cry it out, while I eat all your gummy worms.

Suddenly, your head pops back up and you dry your tears. It looks like your brown eyes have turned grey with all the crying. "No, I'm done crying over him. Whatever. I'll live either way. He has a wife, and if he really loves me, he'll end it with her."

"Sure, Caity." I reply. You stiffen in our embrace, "What?" I ask, curious.

"Could you not call me that.? Only he calls me that" you say with a bashful smile, not even mentioning his name.

"OHHHHHHHH! HE LOVESSSSS YOU CAITLYNNNNNNN!" I squeal with excitement. I enunciate the LYN. You hit me with a pillow. Pretty soon, we're back to having pillow fights and pigging out on gummy worms. Just like old times. It's like that five year rift never existed. Finally, after we're exhausted. I have to make one more crack. I can't help myself.

"So was he good?" I smirk. Yeah yeah, I'm 27 shut up. I'm lame and naive.

"Amazing" you say with a sigh. We burst into giggles again. Suddenly your head goes into overdrive and all-business 'Don't fuck with Caitlyn Gellar' mode. "Shit, what if I'm pregnant? Or if he gave me an STD?"

I burst out laughing. "Who'd he get it from? Alyson? I doubt it. That girl is stiff as a board. She's a total bitch too." I snap.

"I'm serious. I could be PREGNANT. As in, baby in the uterus. As in the baby of an adulterous psycho and a super hot rock star...." you say, solemnly.

"Here" I say, and fish out two pregnancy tests from my hugemongous Michael Kors bag. "Go pee on a stick" You look at me suspiciously. "Shane and I have been trying." I explain.

You let out a "AWWWWW" and walk calmly into the bathroom. Five minutes later, I head a very loud "FUCKKKKKKK!" from the bathroom. I rush in. On the counter lays a "Pregnant" test, and a "Not Pregnant" test. Oh shit.

It's getting pretty late. I calmly explain I'll take you to the doctor's tomorrow, and I have to go. With that, I dash out the door before all hell breaks loose. I know you'll be up all night pondering this.

The next morning, my husbands barges into our bedroom, pretty pissed off. He throws a magazine at my feet and I look at the front headline. "NAITLYN back together? What abour Alyson?" The angry red words are reinforced by a picture of Caitlyn in her underwear, crying as she pushes Nate out the front door.

"Oh god, what did Nate do? Or WHO did he do?" Shane asks. I don't have anything to say to him, so I shrug.

I get up, shower, and put on an old Connect 3 band shirt and pair it with a vest and some skinny jeans. I pick up Caitlyn, whose obviously been crying again. God, that girl cries enough tears to drown a third world country. We walk into the doctors office and I wait in the waiting room with her. Despite the circumstances, these past days with Caitlyn has reminded me what friends are for. Ever since I got together with Shane, all my friends dissapeared. No one is nice in the land of showbiz. Jason's girlfriendless, and Alyson is.....Alyson.

Caitlyn walks into the doctor's office with a forced smile. Poor Caitlyn, she won't be happy when she sees the new US Weekly. I stash the doctor's copy into my bag. Whatever it takes, to protect my best friend.


	10. Chapter 10

Alyson had been gone for two days, and the house was a pigsty. Take out boxes everywhere, piles of laundry. I guess I really do need her. Finally, Friday had come. Alyson was coming back home. I hear the door click open and I run up to welcome her. I give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, how was Wisconsin?" I ask. Alyson is from the most hick hicktown you will ever imagine.

"The same," she replies, slightly emotionless.

"How are the girls?" I ask, trying to make small talk. Alyson has three half sisters, who are kinda obsessed with Connect 3.

"Sydney is going to be in a washing machine commercial, London has decided she wants to be a nurse, and Paris has a new motorcycle riding boyfriend," she says, somewhat routinely. Alyson's sisters were named for where they were conceived….icky. I can't help to think with a grin on my face what our baby would be named, if we were as insane as Alyson's stepmother. How about 'bedroom floor'? Alyson notices the smile on my face.

"What are you smiling about?" she asks coldly.

"Just glad your back. And Christmas is in two days!" I answer enthusiastically. I am excited for Christmas, I bought you a present and everything.

"No you're not. You're thinking about her right?" she asks upfront and direct.

"What?" I say in surprise, "If this is about the kiss, she kissed me, and it was only once" I start to ramble.

"That I can forgive, but this?" you yell. You whip out a magazine cover. At first, I was just shocked they had magazines in Wisconsin, but then I peer closely. It said "NAITLYN back together? What about Alyson?" in angry letters. Oh shit, my marriage is over….Wait, that's good right? Or is it? I'm speechless.

"Did you sleep with her? Don't lie to me." You command. Your presence just fills the empty foyer.

"Yes," I say weakly. No use lying to Alyson now.

"How many times?" she asks bluntly. Argh, she cant be serious. I hesitate. She repeats herself.

"Three, I'm sorry" I try to salvage what I have left. You suck in your breath, and walk away. I chase after you.

"You know, Nathaniel, I'm willing to make this work because I love you. But if I see her one more time, hear her peep one more time. We're done for good," she says. Did I ask her to make it work? Te be honest, I couldn't give shit about what happens between Alyson and I. I only care about what will happen with you and me. I'm waiting for you to just randomly show up so Alyson can officially drop the Black from her name. But, I just nod and carry her bags into the living room.

This ultimatum, well, I can't say it's not a bad thing. Now the worst of all, waiting. I wait for you to return from your parent's house. I wait for Alyson to leave me. I wait for God to tell me what to do. We're all just waiting for something.


	11. Chapter 11

Breathe in, breathe out Alyson. I keep telling myself that because on my porch, right now, is Caitlyn Gellar aka you. As in the other woman. As in the woman who fucked my husband three times. And two days after Christmas? Ruining my after Christmas bliss. That might be just slightly okay if it was kept quiet but no! The whole US Weekly reading world knows. My marriage is crumbling in the public eye.

"Hi. Is Nate home?" you ask sweetly. You have nerve, girl. Asking for my husband at my house? Do your secret seducing elsewhere.

"No, he's in the shower. Can I take a message?" I ask, just as sweet.

"Uhm, well this is more of a face to face thing. Could I wait for him? My name is Caitlyn Gellar." You ask. Please, as if I don't know who are you. Actually, as if ALL OF AMERICA doesn't know who you are.

I agree and lead you into the living room, where you sit on the leather couch we imported from Italy. I offer you a cosmopolitan, but you decline. Hmm, if I remember quickly, you are quite a fan of alcohol.

"You know, I'm Nate's wife. Whatever you need to tell him, you can tell me. I wouldn't want you to waste your time." I offer. I can't have you talking to Nate so much. Sure. You pull out a beautiful Burberry purse and hand it to me. I don't know what to say, I'm truly speechless. The thing about me is that I'm never speechless.

"It was Nate's Christmas gift to me. I can't accept things from a married man, so I'd like him to take it back, with all its contents. Could you also tell him not to send me things anymore?" you say all in one breath. Don't worry, Alyson Black can catch anything. I peek inside the nice purse and see Vera Wang Princess perfume, and a diamond locket. Wow, this must have cost at least $1000. Not that that's a problem on our bank account. This is outrageous. My own husband got me a few new Chanel coats that no doubt, Mitchie, picked for me. Ew. I know that girl doesn't like me, and there's no reason for her to start now.

You start to turn your heel and head out the door. I need a confrontation, not some shit small talk where we pretend nothing is going on. Go Alyson go! Catch her before she leaves!

"I know who you are, you know. I know you slept with my husband three times." I say, over enunciating the husband.

You stop dead in your tracks and I hear you suck in your breath. You turn around.

"I know who you are also. I just wanted to let you know I told Nate it was either me or you. I'm not going to keep up this charade." You say without a flinch or hesitation. Impressive, Nate, this is the Caitlyn Gellar. The Caitlyn Gellar, stronger than anything.

You start to walk out the door, when the one and only, Nate Black walks down the stairs, hair still wet from his shower.

"Caity?" I hear my husband question. He has a nickname for you? And dear god, can my husband recognize your back now? Geez, Nate. It's just one of those Product(red) shirts. I have one, mine says Inspi(red), the original. Your's says Desi(red). How different, yet true. I'll always be the original, always there, wife who inspires with her own husband to sleep with other women. You'll be the desired sexpot, different from everyone else.

You turn around, and nod, and leave out the door for good this time.

"What did she want?" I hear you ask.

"Just here to return your Christmas gift" I say coldly. Did that cut him like a knife? Then I remember what I said before. If I even heard another peep from Caitlyn Gellar, we were done. Alyson Black is true to her word.

"I'll call the lawyer tomorrow. All I want is the Turks and Caicos beach house my sisters love." I tell him calmly. He solemnly nods. I guess he's learned to accept the facts.

He just nods again and walks out the door, no doubt but to chase after you. My whole life has been watching other people chase other things. My husband chasing the love of his life, my sisters chasing their career dreams, and me…just chasing…well something. Anything. I'm Alyson Collette Jacobson Black, soon to be just Allie again.


	12. Chapter 12

Ahhh. That's good. I come up again and dive into the water of my nice warm pool. The good thing about being a Cali girl is that it's warm all year long, even after Christmas. I swim a couple of laps to make up for my lack of exercise these past few days. Thinking of just kinda exhausted me beyond exercise. Ironic, huh?

Eventually, I get tired of swimming away my worries. I pull myself up and pull out a lawn chair from behind my backyard shed. Nothing that a good tanning won't solve. I start to undo the top of my plain yellow string bikini to avoid tan lines, but then think again. Those damn paparazzi might be lurking around. Ever since that picture of you and me came out in Us Weekly, the paps have been stalking me. That's why I've been staying home all week, not even shopping for after Christmas specials. At least they stopped camping outside my house.

Instead of my sunscreen bottle, my hands roam to my stomach. I can't help but think of the baby that could have been there, the baby that I almost thought was there. Our baby. You always wanted a little girl with curls and big brown eyes. Silly me. I can't believe I thought I was pregnant. Wait, what the hell am I saying? I can't believe I'm thinking about this. There is no baby. No bastard result of adultery baby. That's good….right?

Argh stop it Caitlyn. Stop thinking about him. I've done everything to push you out of my mind. I returned your thoughtful present two days ago, as painful as it was. God, a nice huge Burberry. I must say, you have excellent taste. I hear a car pull up in my driveway. I pull on a pair of extremely short shorts and put on my aviators. I answer the door just as the doorbell rings.

Well, speak of the devil and he shall come. Lo and behold! Guess who's standing at the door? You, in plaid shorts and a tee shirt. Shocker. DingDingDing. Winner winner chicken dinner! I start to ask what you're doing here just as you say Caitlyn. Hmm, Caitlyn? You never call me that. You first I say quickly before you can say the same thing.

"It's over with Alyson" you say. Oh her. Can we not talk about her? Really Nate? But I cant say this doesn't excite me a little.

"Oh really?" I say coquettishly and run a leg up and down the other. I know that drives you crazy. Your eyes linger on my legs a second too long. I snap my fingers. Hey!

"I'm up here" I snap faking hurt. Now this is just fun. Whatever.

"Yeah sorry. Anyway the divorced it finalized next month. Now we can be whatever we want," you impatiently say. God we're not horny teenagers anymore, so stop acting like it! Your arms slowly wrap around my bare waist. Mmm I missed your touch. Then reality calls, complete with a Connect 3 ringtone.

"Stop it. Get inside. Those damn paparazzi might be out here." I pull you inside. You start profusely apologizing and say you'll schedule a press conference. Aw, I'm touched. That was sarcasm. I ignore your pleas for something to happen. I sashay back into my backyard, with you trailing like a puppy dog. I wiggle out of my Daisy Dukes and take off my aviators to your delight.

"Okay I can't take it anymore" you say huskily and attack me. Not in a savage beast way, in a Grrrr I need my girlfriend way. You grab me and plop me on your lap as your lips attack mine as we start to furiously make out on a lawn chair. I kiss back, I haven't felt a kiss like this since 5 years ago. The only times our kisses were like this were when you came back from a long tour. The sense of longing was there.

Then your hands wander to my neck. I feel you untie the strings and my bikini top falls off. Your kisses trail lower and lower….Oh schnapps Caitlyn. He's married, getting divorced or not. I'm not gonna sleep around with a married man again.

"Stop it" I push you away and retie the strings to your dismay. I get off your lap, which is getting quite a…excited…reaction. "Nuh-uh. You're still married. We can do all that good stuff when you and Alyson are over on paper. Meanwhileeeeee……" I pull you up my surprise and push you into the….

..pool. You scream. You hate getting your hair wet. I remember I always loved that. I jump in with you. You shed your shirt. Splash. Giggle. Splash. Repeat. Then all of a sudden, I hear something that's not a splash or giggle. In fact it's a click then a flash. OH HELL NO. FUCK.

I mutter some more four letter words and get out of the pool. You follow with some pet names. Baby calm down. Caity. Honey chill out. I'll fix it. Sure you will. This is like déjà vu. When have I felt this before? Oh yeah. When we were dating, and the paparazzi stalked me everywhere hoping to get a picture of me doing something bad when you were away. It made me feel like a prisoner. What should I do?

Be with the man I love, but surrender my liberty and freedom? Or keep my dignity and leave my heart in the dust? Then I walk by a picture of us, when we were just 14, before we went out. We're at Camp Rock, sitting on the dock watching the sun set. You gave that to me for our second anniversary. "Loved you once, Love you still. Always have, always will. Xoxo nate"

I know what to do now.


	13. Chapter 13

I followed you into your house, trying to salvage the moment. What can I do to make you less mad? Think Nate think! "Baby calm down. Caity. Honey chill out. I'll fix it." I coo, trying to comfort you. Shane says being extremely nice and sensative to girls makes them happy. I know I know I can't believe I'm listening to Shane of all people. But hey! He's married to the love of his life, and I'm not, so who am I to talk? Wait I know! I'll schedule a press conference and clear this all up. You glide past a picture on a bookshelf, but then turn back to stare at it a bit. It's a picture of us when we were just 14. Forever young we were. Now we're adulterous sexpots who just can't get enough. Fun. You suddenly have a epiphany or something. Are you bipolar? Cause these days it seems like one minute we're happy then another minute you're pushing me out the door.

"You promise?" you ask, almost crying, looking up with those sad brown eyes. The eyes that make me melt everytime. I can't bear to watch you so sad, your big brown eyes are turning grey. I nod my head and wrap my arms around you and top it off with a kiss on your forehead. Tears run down your face. Shh baby. "I'll run a press conference and clear everything up. There won't be anymore paparazzi following you, I promise." Shit , why am I making promises I can't keep? After the divorce gets out and the picture is published, life will be a living hell for you. The Other Woman Unveiled! Who is Caitlyn Gellar? Return of Naitlyn! I can hear the headlines already. Then you reach up and give me a soft kiss that makes my heart skip a beat. Oh yeah, that's why I'm making promises I can't keep.

You hop up the stairs to shower and change. I put back on my shirt, which has no magically dried in the California sun. I whip out my cell phone, true to my promise. I punch in the number of my publicist, who probably has the best job ever. Paid half a million a year to handle my PR, which is basically nothing ever since Connect 3 broke up. "Yeah, hi Mattie. I need a press conference. I have a feeling all hell is gonna break loose by next week." Mattie understands, she gets what I need when I need it, no strings attached. Mattie is excellent at her job and I appreciate it. I should probably let her go so she can move on to people who actually deserve her. I'm just holding her back, like I hold everyone back.

I hastily follow you into your pale pink bedroom. As eccentric and unique as you are, Caitlyn Gellar is a traditional girl underneath it all. You've changed into a plain black tee shirt and boxer shorts. You're laying on the bed, staring the ceiling, as if you were pondering.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"You, Hollywood, celebrity drama. I don't wanna be caught up in it all again." You say nonchanlantly. Oh yeah, you hate the glam life of a star. You hated being stalked back then, you hate it now. Your name in Star! and Ok! would set you off on a rant and no sex for a week. :(.

"When everything settles, we can go wherever we want. Escape it all, whatever you want" I reassure you. A smile pops up on your face. I kiss it wrap my arms around you as I hop into your bed. We lay like that a while. Just holding each other on your bed. Then the nice tranquility is disrupted by your doorbell. Who can that be? You are just as confused as I am. You get up to answer the door, with me trailing like a puppy dog. You get to the door first, me a couple of yards behind you still in the other room. I can see you swing the door open.

"Hello. I need to speak with my husband. I have divorce papers he needs to sign, and I know he's here." I hear a familiar commanding voice. Alyson. Argh, why does she have to ruin everything!!! I stop dead in my tracks and stay in your warm homey kitchen. I spy on her from the doorway. Oh wow, Alyson has chemically straightened her hair and dyed it auburn-redish. The anti-you maybe? I can't run anymore. I think I should save you from this uberawkward moment. You look like you want to pass out. "I'm here" breaking out of the kitchen.

Alyson holds out a manila folder. I take it and say I'll drop it off at the lawyers tomorrow. I need to avoid all contact. Nip this in the bud. I say a hasty goodbye and slam the door to face a suprisingly calm Caitlyn.

"I need to bake a quiche for my parent's new cruise ship opening tomorrow. Why don't you sign those papers and I get started?" you say. OHHHH return of "I have no feelings let me cut myself off from society" Caitlyn. The only way to solve this is leave you alone and do what what you say. I know from experience.

"Sure." I say. I'm Nate Black, the go with the flow guy. But now it seems like if I don't go with the flow, I'll be washed away.


	14. Chapter 14

Flash. Click. Shutter. Flash again. Now I remember why I bring sunglasses to these things. I reach for the pair of shades perched atop my head and slide them over my eyes. Dammit. Why do I always end up getting front row seats to press conferences? I feel you squeeze my hand and I look up into your sweet face. I give you a kiss and remember why, cause my husband's THE Shane Gray.

Now THE Shane Gray and THE Mitchie Torres Gray aka me, are waiting for Nate and Caitlyn to come out onto the stage to answer questions. Apparently they needed us for moral support. Well JEEZ Nate, you want moral support from me, don't sit us next to your wife. You know I can't stand her.

"What is this all about?" she asks, all annoyed yet cooly calm. I shake my head to avoid answering Alyson. She doesn't seem satisfied, so I add a shrug in there. That seems to have worked. Then I see Nate come out and take a seat, with Caitlyn trailing behind him. Very mutual, no touchy feely. How…prepared?

"Nate! What's the meaning of this press conference?" "Caitlyn! Are you and Nate back together?" are just a few of the questions shouted by reporters behind us. Pesky pesky, not to mention loud.

"Please, settle down. I've called this press conference to clear up any questions, so you guys get your information straight. No rumors, none of those shenanigans" Nate says clearly, like a politician. I smile at his word choice, Caitlyn must be rubbing off on him, "So just yell them out"

"Are you and Alyson getting divorced?" says Us Weekly. Whatever I feel no need to acknowledge them by name. To me, they are just the worthless people who hire people who follow my friends around.

"Yes. It's time for me and Allie to part our ways" Nate smiles. Wow, Mattie does her job well. Nice use of the nickname, make it sound friendlier and less I CHEATED ON HER!

"Is it because of the return of Miss Gellar?" Us Weekly follows up, not content with Nate's answer.

"Alyson and I have been over before Caitlyn ever came into the picture." Oooh, vague. If you haven't already noticed, I like making fun of these things.

"Is Naitlyn returning?" yells Ok! Haha, I can never get enough of that name.

"Sure, but you said it first," Nate says with a smile, and I can see him exchange a look with Caitlyn. Awww, excuse me while my heart melts a little bit. That last comment sent the reporters over the edge.

"How does Caitlyn feel about being pulled back into the spotlight?" cries Star! Seriously, who reads Star!? Caitlyn finally decides to say something and calmly replies, "I hate this shit, so please don't stalk me or follow me or anything like that" Ha, I love this girl.

"Do these pictures correctly imply that you cheated on Alyson with Caitlyn?" Us Weekly again, they must be the only ones with the authorization to get the two pictures. The skinny reporter holds up the notorious half-naked Caitlyn pushing Nate out the door at the crack of dawn, and new picture I hadn't seen before. Hmm, the headline reads "Frolicking in the pool". Cute. You lean over and whisper in my ear, "We can do that sometimes" You know what, Shane Gray? You still make my heart skip a beat after all these years. I'm ready to just leave and go 'frolic', but Naitlyn needs my support.

But before Nate can answer, some yahoo runs up to the stage and…punches Nate right on the cheek. Multiple times. The next few moments were quite a blur, security everywhere, escorting me, Shane, Alyson, Nate and Caitlyn out of the conference room. All I heard was "YOU SLEPT WITH MY WOMAN, YOU PUNK" Yeah, that was the yahoo. And an "I'M NOT YOUR WOMAN, DUMBASS" Yeah, that was my best friend. Don't you wish you were me?

Once everyone was safely inside another room, Caitlyn told me that was that Greg guy. He was obviously wasted, and had paid someone to let him into the private press conference. Then she buried her head in her hands and began to cry, yet again, over yet again, Nate Black. "It's all my fault." Sob. "I need to see him" Sob. You weakly hand her a tissue.

I drag her up and walk you to my car, where I drive her to the hospital. The second the car parks into the parking lot of Cedars-Sinai, she dashes out and makes quite a scene at the desk.

"I need to see Nate Black," Caitlyn tells the receptionist. The receptionist, Dolly? Darcy? I can't really read her name tag, flips through papers and says, "Sorry, close friends and family only."

Caitlyn yells a few four letter words that make a few parents glare her way. I hear you chuckle behind me. My magical husband seems to have come out of nowhere again. I give you a swift kiss. Now Caitlyn is trying to explain to Dolly/Darcy that she's Nate's girlfriend.

"Yeah, and I'm Paris Hilton," Dolly/Darcy says. Okay, this lady needs a reality check, or a television. Hasn't she been following HotTunes?

Then Caitlyn does the unthinkable, the thing she vowed to never do, and probably wouldn't have ever done if it wasn't for today. She flings a copy of the Us Weekly at the table on the desk. She jabs her finger at the photo version of her in the underwear with Nate. Caitlyn would never use her status for anything like this. All the free stuff she ever got was sent to her little sister, Delilah. Dolly/Darcy gasps and realizes her mistake.

"Room 109" she says quickly, to avoid any more interaction with the crazy lady called my best friend. Caitlyn rushes down the hallway, you and I hustling to keep up. She swings open the door and gasps at the sight. "Nate".


	15. Chapter 15

I suck in my breath, unaware of how to handle this situation. You're not here. A petite nurse is folding sheets on the bed of Room 109. Uh..shouldn't you be on that bed? How come there's only neatly folded sheets on there? Then it hits me. Are you okay?!?!?! Are you in surgery? Are you just out getting a cup of crap cafeteria Hazelnut coffee? Am I in the wrong room? Or worse...are you gone forever?

"Where's Nate?" I bark at the nurse, scaring her a bit. My father always told me to take charge of the situation, or no one would take you seriously. The nurse seems to be shuddering in my presence. I smile at the sweet taste of victory. I await an answer. Tick-tock. Uh...lady? I wanna know where my boyfriend is. Just then, Mitchie and Shane sweep in to save me. Shane flashes his "I'm Shane Gray smile" and Mitchie asks sweetly where my boyfriend is. Wait, am I allowed to call him my boyfriend?

"I think you should wait for Dr. Wyndham. He'll be out shortly to discuss Mr. Black's condition," the nurse seems to have regained her composture. What!?!? I'm exploding inside? I'm assuming the worst, and I feel like blacking out. I wobble a bit, until Mitchie grabs my arm and leads my out into the waiting room. I plop myself down on a soft white couch. What does the nurse mean by condition? Did Greg beat the living shit out of you? It was a lot of punches. What if you can never sing again? Oh god. The explosion inside of me explodes again. I really need to stop crying. Shane handydandily gives me another tissue, pulling it out of nowhere.

"This is all my fault," I sob into Mitchie's blouse. I'm probably ruining it, but whatever. If Mitchie wants to be a mommy, she should get used to it. A few kids start to stare at me. Mitchie does what she does best, she reassures me again that it will be all right. But what if you're not!?!? That's my whole fucking point . Can she not see that? If something drastic happens to you it will all be my fault. I couldn't live with that guilt. And where the hell is Dr. Wyndham? Then someone walks toward us. Is it Dr. Wyndham? Hmm, this Doctor is wearing an awful lot of blue and shiny badges to be a doctor. Oh wait, that's a police officer. No, make that two. Holy fudge muffins on toast. Am I drunk? What if they're arresting me for indirect murder?

"Ms Gellar? Mr and Mrs Gray? I'm Liutenant Fiona Goldberg, and this is Officer George Chavez. We need a statement from a witness regarding this afternoon's events. Dr. Greg Gordon is being held in police custody right now, and if you would like to keep it that way, we're going to need a statement and possible a testimony fast," says Lt. Goldberg. She hardcore, I like that kind of person, but right now I can't deal with it. I have enough going through my mind.

Luckily, Mitchie and Shane come to the rescue. "My wife and I would be happy to give a statement, Liutenant," the words blurt out of Shane's mouth, shocking both Mitchie and me. Whoo, what a martyr. Yeah, abandon me in my time of need. That's fine with me.

"Of course, right this way," replies Officer Chavez. He leads Mitchie and Shane off to a secluded part of the hospital, I'm guessing, but leaves Lt. Goldberg...behind? What? I'm confused.

"I know this is a hard time, but if you want to put behind bars, I really need an interview. Do you mind, Ms. Gellar?" Lt. Goldberg asks. Hell yes, I mind. A bazillion different things are running through my mind and didn't you just whisk off Mitchie and Shane?

"Why me? Why don't you ask Alyson? His wife. Her name is Alyson Black," I offer Alyson as the sacrificial lamb, because I honestly can't do this right now.

"Well, we believe that you were the incentive behind Dr. Gordon's actions. Your responses are crucial to this case. Please, just a few minutes," Lt. Goldberg begs. Man, this girl won't give up. I offered her the sacrificial lamb, but i guess she didn't want it. Maybe she's a vegetarian. Argh, what the hell Caitlyn? How can I be making shit jokes while you're who knows where. I'm just about to give in to her pleas when the REAL Dr. Wyndham comes out of the door.

"Ms. Gellar. I'm Dr. Don Wyndham. How are you?" Dr. Wyndham asks. Whoo saved by the doctor. Lt. Goldberg excuses herself, and leaves to find Mitchie and Shane.

"I'm fine. How is Nate?" I ask, get to the point already!

"He's in surgery right now. It appears that he has a few broken cheek bones. He should be coming out shortly. Mr. Black will recover in a week or so," he says. Oh thank you Jesus. You're fine, almost homefree. Just as Dr. Wyndham is starting to explain to me more about your 'condition', clickety click heels clack across the waiting room floor, belonging to none other than the Alyson Black, complete with a new straightened auburn hair.

"Don't tell her anything. Doctor, I'm Nathaniel's wife, Alyson. Could you explain this surgery to me over a cup of coffee? Traffic was insane, and my insurance company was being quite a nuisance, I apologize for not getting here earlier," says Alyson in her cold professional voice, completely ignoring me. Argh, just cause I'm not your wife doesn't mean I don't care.

"Certainly, Mrs. Black," Dr. Wyndham leads Alyson to the crap cafeteria. What the hell, bitch? You stole my man and now the doctor? Well, I suppose you are his wife, soon to be ex-wife.

And once again, I was left all alone. This time, without a hardass liutenant to keep me company. Wait a second...didn't Dr. Wyndham say you were getting out of surgery shortly? I'll just wait in your room then. I march back to Room 109, with my head held high, while giving Dolly/Darcy the stink eye. Hey, old habits die hard.

When I get there, you're laying on the bed, watching an old rerun of Grey's Anatomy. Huh, how appropriate.

"Hey," I say softly.

"You don't have to whisper, I won't break," you offer, with a light chuckle. Yeah you're right, because you've already broken, because of me. There's a bandage across one cheek, with stitches under it no doubt, and your eye seems to be slightly puffy. I lean over your white bed in your white room and to give you a kiss on the forehead. You lean up and intercept it with your lips.

"Much better," you say, "What's that guy's name? I'll kick his ass, honey". Hah, that's supposed to be reassuring?

"I don't think so baby. That's Greg, he's my exboyfriend. The one my mom hates," I add a chuckle to lighten the mood. But it didn't work, your face turns stone cold serious.

"Did he mean what he said? Are you his woman?" you ask. Seriously, Nate? Would you even doubt me? You're the married one remember. Breathe Caitlyn breathe. You're the victim here and I need to stay calm, or else I just might lose my marbles.

"No, I've never slept with him and we're over," I say matter of factly. That seems to satisfy you and you give me another kiss and scoot over, motioning for me to join you in the hospital bed, which looks like it cuold fit all of Angelina Jolie's kids. I guess being a celebrity has it's perks.

"Get you're mind out of the gutter, honey. You know I have more class than that, but we could cuddle" But nevertheless, I hop in and snuggle against you. My heart beating with yours, together forever.


	16. Chapter 16

"For the last time, liutenant, I do not know anything about this man," I told Liutenant Goldberg, yet again. LAPD really needs to work on their customer service. I pay a large amount of taxes to pay this woman's salary, and she dares to interrogate me? Really, she is insulting my intelligence by implying that I'm a liar.

"Are you sure, Mrs. Black? Because most assaulters don't just go and randomly punch a celebrity several times for no reason," Lt. Goldberg. My face turns rigid and my stomach twists in a knot. This is honestly exasperating, almost even more exasperating than keeping up a marriage with you.

"Well, I'm sure there's a reason. My husband is quite an intimidating man. Perhaps you should ask Caitlyn Gellar," I reply. Her name stings on my tongue, and I immediately regret saying it. I've stooped to a rude level, and I just broke the unspoken celebrty rule. I really shouldn't be namedropping like that.

"My team as already spoken to Ms. Gellar, asking for a witness interview, and she declined. The LAPD would really like a family member or close friend to help us understand better," Lt. Goldberg tries yet again to find out what happened. She is so incompetent. Man comes out, man punches you, man is dragged away yelling. End of story.

"No, not as a witness, as a close friend, a REALLY close friend. I'm sure she has a few ideas," I snip at Lt. Goldberg. No need to be polite anyway. She wants to play this game? Fine, I'll play and kick her ass. Lt. Goldberg raises an eyebrow and zips out her Steno notepad. As if she needs it, this woman is crazy brutal.

"What exactly is Ms. Gellar's relation to your husband?" she asks in a voice that pretends she doesn't know already. Oh please, cut to the chase.

"Let's just say she might be the reason my name will no longer be Alyson Black in a couple of days," I say coyly. She takes the bait, and jots down a few notes. I only imagine they look like this: Caitlyn Gellar=the other woman? No need to admit defeat because I'm not a loser. Keep it smooth.

"Case closed, thank you for your time, Mrs. Black. The LAPD greatly appreciates your help," Lt. Goldberg answers happily. I smile. People say humans are all different, but we're all the same underneath it all. You give them a little of the forbidden fruit or what they really want, and soon, you'll be forgotten. I mean, look at my life. This piece of information has turned a hardass liutenant into a kid in a candy shop, who has compeltely forgotten about what I might or might not know about the perpertrator. A forbidden love affair has turned you into a cheating bastard who neglects his wife. See? I know better and I won't fall into the rat trap of life. You give them an inch, and they take a mile. But you give me an inch, I'll give it back, because Alyson Black doesn't take pity from anyone.

I walk away before she can ask me any more questions, so I can go visit you. Since the "attack" as HotTunes is calling it, I've been handling the logistics. Insurance, PR, phone calls, and interviews, but not you. Now I realize that all these year, I've committed to everything about you, but not actually you. Is that why we drifted? Whatever. My Manolo Blahniks click against the shiny hospital floor, my new auburn straight as a ruler hair swishes side to side. I look good and I know it, because I no longer look anything like a woman who sleeps with a married man.

I push open the door to find you asleep on a big hospital bed, with HER curled in your side. The happy couple looks quite peaceful. You look so peaceful. So I wait and wait in an armchair for you to wake up.

I pull out some more divorce forms from my oversized bag. Through out this whole process, I've been handling the divorce. All you've done is sign your name a couple of times in messy cursive. Do you really want to get rid of me that fast?

Hmmm settlements. We didn't really sign a prenup, thinking we were in it for good. Forever and always. Hah! You played me for a fool, that's for sure. And for that, I don't want anything of yours, except for that nice beach house in Turks and Caicos for London, Paris, and Sydney. You can have it all, because I don't want anything to do with you after this is all over next week.

I make a few checks on the papers and sign my name, hesitating at the last name. My pen holds still at the N of Alyson, not knowing which way to swirl. Moving up the paper, I decide that this might be the last time I write Alyson Black, so I might as well write it. Even though I obviously don't deserve your respect, I respect you still. With a few finishing touches and your part of the deal, I'll be free as of next Thursday.

Oh lookie here, you're stirring in your oh-so-comfy bed. You blink a couple of times. Geez you look so horrible, a bandaid is strewn across your cheek, and your eye is bruised. I cant say you didn't have it coming. You cheated on your wife, even if Caitlyn maybe initiated it. This is God's way of punishing you. Oh dear lord, I haven't even thought of God for a while. You sucked all my energy out of me. I forgot myself, and forgot God and everyone else in the process. I'll never let you forget it. Bitchy Alyson is coming out.

"Hey," I whisper, trying not to wake Caitlyn up. There are some wife-husband things that need to be done without her. You try to sit up, but can't cause she's practically on top of you.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" you ask. My mouth starts to say something then closes, but then reopens.

"Just because you've basically forgotten about me doesn't mean I haven't forgotten about you. We're married you dumbass" I snip at you. I wriggle the 1.5karat diamond ring off my finger and place it on top of an envelope of papers I've left on his nightstand.

"Don't be like that Alyson," you beg. Psh. I can be whatever I want to be.

"Like you care anyway. I think I'm allowed to be a little bitchy when my husband leaves me for his innocent old flame. After all these years of bottling up my emotions for you and your image, I can be whatever I want to be," I sound so rude, but you know what's ruder? Cheating. In public. On every magazine in America.

"Okay I deserve that," you say, emotionless. We're just both ignoring the big pink elephant in the room, Caitlyn, who is still knocked out on your bed.

"You know what? I think I'm interuppting something here. See you at the lawyer's office on Thursday to finalize the divorce." I swing my bag over my shoulder and leave before you can say anything else. This time, I can be the one to walk out on you.


	17. Chapter 17

"It's done, your divorce is final," said Alyson and I's lawyer in a stuffy professional voice. Thank god, I've been sitting on his plush red sofa for at least an hour, listening to him talk lawyer. Blahblahblah.

"Now if Alyson could sign here to change her name back to Jacobson, that will be the last piece of business," he said. What? I thought we were done, arg!

"Certainly," I heard Alyson say in her graceful and always professional voice. I have no idea how she's tolerating this.... And with a swish of Alyson's wrist, there was no more Alyson and Nate Black. Just Alyson Jacobson, comma, Nate Black. A feeling of relief flooded before me, like breathing a giant gulp of air after coming up from a swim.

"So to review, Alyson will receive the beach house in Turks and Caicos, and Nate will receive all the funds. All other property will be auctoned off for profits to go the Make-A-Wish Foundation," said the lawyer. Geez, doesn't he ever shut up? I want to let my mind wander to you, but I can't. This is the last day I'll ever be married to Alyson, and I owe her that respect. Alyson and I solemnly nod at the agreement. I didn't want anything that will remind me of her and I, and she didn't want anything that had to do with me. Surprisingly, this divorce was civil and remained somewhat out of the public eye. I only got 3 magazine covers!

"Great, can I go now?" I asked the lawyer. Alyson gave me a glare under her perfectly extensioned eyelashes.

"Uh..yes...." said the lawyer, surprised at my reaction. What? Can't a man speak his mind? I get up from the sofa, brush myself off and extend my arms for a hug. Alyson reluctantly gets up and gives me an awkward hug. "Bye, Allie. Thanks for a great four years" I whisper in her ears. I haven't loved Alyson in the way that I love you, but I will always love her. She picked up my pieces when she and I first met and glued me back together. She gave me some pretty damn good memories, up to 2 months ago, when you and I were reunited.

"Bye Nate, keep in touch" she replies. Our embrace is over and I walk out the door, into the parking lot. I get in my Toyota Prius and drive off to a familiar place. I park the car into your driveway, and get out.

I ring the doorbell, the beautiful sounds of Fur Elise play from inside your house. You swing open the door, reavealing yourself in a yellow sundress and your signature crazy curls. I reach my arms out and say the few words that make you immediately jump into my arms. "We're free"

You give me a crazy passionate kiss, which I'm happy to return and we stumble up the stairs. I'm suprised no one got hurt. I drop you onto your bed, rip off your dress and pretty soon, we both feel like blissful teenagers again.

I awaken by your side, brushing your curls out of your gorgeous face. I give you a kiss on the lips, waking you up, Sleeping Beauty style.

"Mmm" you moan and return the kiss. Just when we were getting in to it, you break off. "Blech, I feel gross. I'm going to shower" you say. I smile at the return of clean freak Caitlyn.

"Can I join you?" I give you my signature smirk, hoping to sway you. You pretend to ponder the decision, but you honestly look like your struggling.

"Mmmm....nope" and you prance off into your bathroom, wearing nothing but your lacy lingerie. You look kinda ridiculous, but extremely hot.

"Well maybe I can change you mind" I offer, and pull on my boxers to follow you in.

I grab you from behind and spin you around. When I put you down I give you a kiss on the nose, "So how about now"

You giggle a bit, "Nope" and slide off the little clothing you have on left. Tease, I stick out my tongue like a five year old. Then you swing the shower door shut, leaving me to my imagination. Darn you for being so damn sexy. I sit back onto the bed and debate on how to woo you next. Now that I have the change for you to be mine, I want you forever. Hmmm.

You emerge, curls wet, towel wrapped and put on my shirt, which is lying on the floor.

"So I was thinking..." I stretch out my voice.

"So you were thinkingggggg...." you return the favor.

"That maybe...." that's me.

"Maybeeeee" that's you.

"...we could go on a date tomorrow night, just like the old days," I ask, scared for your reaction. You burst into giggles. Uhoh, or is it yay?

After you laugh attack and a few pants, you say, "Oh god is that all? I thought you were gonna say something catastrophic. Sure, baby. You look so cute". More giggles.

Oh shit, now to plan where to go... I seem to remember that as long as it's not McDonalds, it's okay. Or is it? How about Bubba Gumps? But before I can think anymore, a pair of soft lips crash onto mine....

I'll say, being in love at 27 is a lot better than 17...


	18. Chapter 18

"What am I going to wear?!?!" I gripped to my best friend for what she probably thought was the bazillionith time tonight.

"Caitlyn, chill out. I'm sure Nate will love you no matter what you're wearing," Mitchie offers. That sooo does not help me decide between the blue or red. Bad Mitchie, she deserves to be punished. So, I toss the red back onto the bed where Mitchie is sitting, and it hits her, covering her whole face. One point for Caitlyn!

"You know what? You're right. I'm sure he doesn't care. Why is this so hard? He's seen me naked thousands of times," I exasperate. I've pretty much torn out half my closet, just for you. Yes, that's right Nate Black, just for you. Feel special.

"Ewwww Caitlyn. Too much information," Mitchie says. Whatever, in a second, the blue shirt hits her head, "Okay okay I'll help now. What did he say to wear?" Ha. She's cracked, they always do.

"He said casual but that's about it. Very mysterious, hmm, I like that in a man," I say dreamily, thinking about what you said earlier.

"Oooh what if he proposes? You can't be wearing a ratty t-shirt when it happens! Oh my god!," Mitchie squeals. Mitchie pulls herself off my bed and begins rummaging through my closet, inspecting each item closely. Now she's getting very excited and ahead of herself.

"Take a chill pill Mitch, he's not going to propose. He just got divorced and I don't think we've spent enough quality time together for that yet," I say to Mitchie, watching her face slightly falter.

"So? It's not like he loved Alyson anyway, and you guys have known each other forever. Plus, he spends all his time over here anyway," Mitchie counters.

"Yeah, cause he has nowhere else to go, but a hotel. He and Alyson's house was sold in the divorce remember? He's practically a hobo," I snort. Cackle cackle, everyone laugh at the homeless rock star. Mitchie laughs. Now it's time for the serious business.

"Do you ever think you and Shane are just physical?" I ask Mitchie calmly. Mitchie looks shocked, and stops flipping through my racks of shirts.

"What kind of question is that? Are you and Nate having problems?" Mitchie interrogates. She could give Lieutenant Goldberg a run for her money.

"NOOO! It's just that sometimes I feel like he only loves me for my body, not for me. All we ever do it make out and have sex," I bare my soul to my best friend, who has a look of pity for me. This is the absolute truth. Isn't it ironic how you can take away all my insecurities but then replace them with new ones?

"Nate loves you for you Caitlyn, that's why he came back after five years. And to answer your question, yes sometimes I do think that. But then Shane does something simple like pick up my favorite kind of cereal at the grocery store or sends me flowers spontaneously and all my worries go away. It may seem silly now, but just wait Caitlyn. It'll mean the world," she answers thoughtfully. I ponder this and lay on my bed. How did Mitchie ever get so smart?

"Well, this still doesn't solve my outfit problem," I attempt to lighten the mood. No more mushy stuff.

"Wear this," Mitchie says and pulls out a babydoll shirt and some extremely tight skinny jeans that I haven't fit in since I was 21.

"Are you crazy? I can't possibly fit into these anymore. I'm 27, not 21" What in the world is my best friend thinking?

"Well Missy, with all the fun you and Nate have been having, maybe you lost a few pounds. And it's not like you have a choice, Nate's at the door," Mitchie says peering out my window to spy on you.

I guess I have no choice, I grab the outfit and shimmy into it. It appears that I've lost 5 pounds. Yay! Who needs Jenny 20 when I have a super hot boyfriend like you? The thought just brings a smile to my face. I walk downstairs where you and Mitchie are making small talk about….hamsters? What the hell? Random much?

"Hey," I greet you with a kiss and grab my bomber jacket. Have you gotten hotter in the past 24 hours?

"Hey beautiful," you say back. But before you can say another word, Mitchie is pushing us out the door.

"Have fun kiddos, don't stay out to late and be safe! Love carefully!" Mitchie yells, quoting the Planned Parenthood commercial we giggle about day and night. My neighbor gives her a stink eye from the window. I give her a giggle and walk out the door.

"So where are we going?" I ask. This is getting really mysterious. We're walking there, so it can't be far. And what's that basket in your hand?

"You'll see. It's a surprise," you retort. Hmm you seem to remember I love surprises, but hate waiting for them. Typical impatient me.

"Pretty please," I beg and give you my signature pout, hoping for a hint.

"Nice try baby," you cover my pout with a kiss. Poops. Where could we go in my family friendly neighborhood? Then my daydreams are interrupted by your sexy voice.

"We're here Caitlyn," and I gasp at the surprise. Oh my god, we're at the park where we used to go when we were teenagers. The one where I used to make you push me on the swings forever and ever. The nostalgia hits me and I'm starting to get emotional. A few tears make their way out of my eyes.

"What's wrong? Do you want to leave? Baby, please tell me what I did wrong," you beg with a sad voice, and drop the picnic basket on a bench.

"Nothing, I'm just really happy. You didn't do anything wrong. You're perfect" I reassure him and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"You sure?" you ask again and wipe away the tears with your thumb. You can be such a toddler sometimes. I nod and give him a real kiss this time. Then I run towards the swings for old times' sake.

"Caitlynnnnn!" you groan. I guess you're pretty sick of pushing a grown woman on the swings, but still run towards me. I smirk when he gets there.

"Way to sell out, Black," I tease him as he starts to lightly push me.

"You're just irresistible, baby," you say back. Awww, I smile and give him a wink.

"I tend to have that effect on men," I reply slyly. You speed up and I'm getting higher and higher.

"All men or just me?" you ask with the same amount of playfulness in your voice.

"All, but I only have eyes for you," I answer matter of factly.

"Good, because I only have eyes for you," you answer, and my heart jumps as high as you push. How did I ever get here? I stumbled on a kiss and tumbled into love with you. I must be the luckiest girl in the world.


	19. Chapter 19

Calm down, Nathaniel. That's just what I keep telling myself. Maybe it'll actually work. My left hand fingers the velvet box in my pocket, my right hand grips the bouquet of daisies tighter, if that's possible. My mind is running at the speed of light, I'm rambling in my head. What if you prefer roses? I thought they would be too cliche for a girl like you. What if you wanted a differently cut diamond? I want to get this done the right way, the first time. No more screw-ups. But before I can drive myself insane with "What ifs?", you swing open the door.

"Hey, you look stunning," I honestly greet you and kiss you on the cheek, which you happily accept. You're wearing a black bubble dress with dangly diamond earrings, complete with your crazy curls in a side ponytail. I look shabby compared to you in a plain suit, tieless. We have to get going, or else we're going to lose our reservations. I open the car door for you, and you hop in with a cute little bounce in your step.

"So where are we going baby?" you ask in that calm yet perky voice that I can't resist.

"No where special, just a restaruant," I answer in total honesty, "But I promise it'll be worth it." It's not where we'll be going that will matter, it's what happens there. It's your answer to my four little that I've only asked once in my entire life. Last time I asked, it just lead to a pointless four year marriage, but this time, it will actually matter. This will determine the rest of my life.

We spend the rest of the car ride singing offtune to songs from our teenage days. We arrive at the restaraunt, an upscale Italian place in downtown Los Angeles. This is no Olive Garden.

"Reservations under Black," I tell the maitre'd. I smile, dreaming that maybe one day you'll be the one calling for reservations under Black. After a three course meal, I'm full of food and anxiety. Then I ask the server to bring out the champagne. You stare at me, wondering the occasion.

"Is it our annviersary or something?" you wonder out loud, scrunching your nose in that cute little way. I shake my head with a smile. As soon as the waiter pours the champagne into two flutes, I pull you out of your chair with both hands onto the carpet. I get down on one knee and pull out the 3 karat princess cut engagement ring I bought earlier that week. A princess for my princess. That seemed to have gotten the attention of half the dining room. It's okay though because the room is full of celebrities and high class people who understand the need for privacy. They won't sell the story to the paparazzi, it's like an unspoken rule among anyone who's anyone.

"Caitlyn Gellar, I've loved you since we were 16, and I'm so glad we've found each other again. I know that we reconnected in not the greatest way, but I'm hoping this ring will fix that. Will you marry me?" I ask, keeping it short and simple. With Alyson, I did some huge extravaganza thing with a super long speech. But you're no Alyson, you're a simple girl who only has one word for me.

"Yes," you whisper with tears in your eyes. I slip the ring on your finger and give you a passionate kiss. Everyone in the room bursts into applause.

"Let's get out of here," you whisper sexily in my ear. That's the most comfortable I've felt all night. I slip a couple of hundred dollar bills on the table, and lead you out the door, where once again paparazzi are awaiting us. Nothing can ruin my bliss, I make sure my hand is covering the ring on your hand. I think that car ride was the longest ride of my entire life. I just want to go home and rip your clothes off. Home, that's a nice word. I'm assuming we're going to live in your house, since I don't have one anymore.

The second the car hits the driveway, we jump out and you fumble with your keys. The door slams open, and you drag me up into the bedroom where we have the night of our lives.

The next morning, I'm up early, wondering how the hell I'm going to pull this off. How am I going to have a paparazzi less wedding that will please you? I want to get married as soon as possible. Anything for my girl. I know you don't want a fairy tale, church chapel, extravagant thing. We don't need all that to prove our love to the world. You like simple things, you're more realistic. That's what I appreciate about you. Then I have a great idea.

I nudge your side to try and wake you up. You blink a couple of times and give me a slight yawn. No luck. Then I whisper in your ear in all seriousness, "Let's run away, just you and me." That seems to have gotten your attention. You sit up straight and yell, "What the fuck are you planning, Nathaniel Black?"

"Nothing you won't like Caitlyn Gellar soon to be Black," I reply, "Think about it. Tonight. You and me on the beach at sunset. Just a priest and a photographer. We can have our privacy. Our friends will forgive us, I promise."

You seem to ponder it for a while, but I know you'll come around. Then, a smile lights up your face and you nod. "Okay"

"Okay," I respond and give you a soft kiss on your pink lips. What the hell have I gotten myself into? Well, I better get on it.


	20. Chapter 20

Imagine my shock when you shows up on my porch after a week of being missing with nothing to say but, "Surprise! I'm married!". First, I'm angry. "What the hell were you thinking? I've been trying to reach you all week! Where the fuck did you go?" I yell at you after pulling you into my living room.

"Nowhere, Nate and I've been at home allllll week long. Having the time of our lives," you say a little bit deliriously with a smirk. You seem a bit too happy, for Caitlyn Gellar. Oh wait, it's Caitlyn Black now right? Cause SOMEONE went and…got married?

"HOLY SHIT YOU GOT MARRIED!" I squeal, the girly excitement kicking in. All my annoyance at you has disappeared, "Let me see the ring!". You flash me a gargantuan diamond ring that's glistening from the sun coming in through my window.

"Tell me all about it," I ask, eager to know details. When Shane and I got married, we had an elaborate shindig, with like a bazillion guests, a ten tiered cake, and a 50 feet train on my elegantly draped dress. I almost wish for your kind of wedding, very secluded and private.

"Well, it was sooooo romantic. Partially cause we planned it the morning of spontaneously. Nate just woke up and was like 'Let's get married'! So the ceremony was at sunset on the beach with just us, a priest, and a photog," you rush out. Your wedding bliss really makes you hyper. I don't know if I like it. Well whatever, I'm not the one who shares a bed with you every night.

"Wait there was a photographer? Does that mean pictures? I wanna see!" I yelp, with almost as much hyperness as you have.

"Keep it down baby!" I hear my husband yell from upstairs. Ugh, I'd have to keep it down if I just dropped a pin.

"Shut up Shane! She's allowed to cause I got married!" you yell back at him. It doesn't seem like he heard. I smile at the love hate relationship between you and Shane. It's really amusing, I'm just glad I haven't been put in the middle yet.

"Hey! Continue on with the wedding!" I interrupt. I'm anxious here, girl!

"Okay okay. Yeah there are pictures. I'll show you them later. So we ate this yummy lemon poppy seed cake and sushi bento boxes after. Then we went home and had some fun…" you finish off. Your voice trails off towards the end because you appear to be lost in thought, thinking about that night again.

"How was married sex?" I ask coyly. I let a giggle out of my mouth, but quickly muff it with my hands.

"Even better than the amazing not married sex," you counter with the quick wit your famous for.

"Was it as good as secretive adulterous sex?" I ask again, hoping you don't take it the wrong way. You expression slightly falters, but then the smile is back on your face. Nothing can ruin your newlywed bliss, I guess.

"Yes indeed," you reply and burst into happy giggles. You reach for your very expensive looking Gucci purse and pull out a stack of photos. Hmm nice purse, wedding gift perhaps? I start flipping through. Oh it's so romantic. I feel nostalgia, and wish for the glory days when my husband actually cared about me more than his music. Don't get me wrong, he loves me to death, he just loves music to the afterlife. Then an epiphany hits me. My husband has no idea his best friend got married!

"SHANNNNE!" I yell at the top of my lungs, "Get your butt down here! Caitlyn has an announcement!"

Then I hear footsteps rumbling down the stairs. Ha. Anxious much? I totally have him whipped, I just wish he would do things without be reminding him or telling him what those things are.

"What Mitch? I was in a creative mood," he says irritably. He won't be any more after I spill the beans. Well, he might be annoyed we weren't invited. "This better be good! Is one you pregnant or something?" he continues. Psh, as if he'd would care. That might distract him from making a career comeback. I tell him all the time that the heyday is over, and he went out with a bang and should leave it at that. But no. He insists on making a comeback even if it's going to bump him to the D-list has-beens. I wish I could spill out all my concerns about my marriage to you, but I don't want to scare you off, especially now that you're so happy.

"Better. I got married!" you butt in, hardly containing your excitement. I see my husband's eyes bulge for a second then return to his calm collected face.

"WHAT!?!?!?!" he yelps. Okay, so much for calm and collected, "First of all. When did this happen and is this why you and Nate were like hiding in your house as if it were World War III or something? And second, how come I wasn't invited?" Haha, I can always count on him for a laugh. And I can always count on you for a fun response.

"Well Shane, first of all, it was a week ago and we weren't hiding. We were just having too much fun to leave. And no one was invited it was just us," you respond with an extra breathy voice. I like watching my husband squirm at the mention of your sex life. He leaves with a curt nod and runs up to the bedroom to "let his inspiration flow". Fun times.

My thoughts are interrupted with a phone buzzing on my coffee table. You glance at the screen, and swing your bag back onto your shoulder.

"Well I'm off. Duty calls and the husband awaits," you say simple. You fix your plaid wedges and white sundress. You seem awfully weddingy for a woman who got married a whole week ago. And with a wave of the wand, you sashay out to your car to return to your husband.

Poor you, but not. You're so happy being married to the love of your life. I'm glad Nate still wants to be with you after all these years. I was like that once. I still am, kinda sorta, just not as. The novelty has worn off after 10 years. I just hope that never happens to you, because right now, it seems like the smallest bruise in your relationship could ruin you. You're the happiest girl in the world, but will it stay that way? I hope so.


	21. Chapter 21

I threw my remote at the small television screen, causing the batteries to fly out and hit me back on the forehead. Dammit. Even in Wisconsin, I still can't get away from you...and her. Really Nate? You get married to her a freaking month after our divorce!?!? A month!?!? Wait, calm down Alyson. The whole point of coming to Wisconsin was to get a fresh start away from the Hollywood life. Who knew they had E! News on my family ranch? So who cares if I'm publicly humiliated because my husband decides to marry the love of his life a month after we get divorced? It's not like my social status can get any lower now that I'm just Allie Jacobson, not Alyson Black.

"Everything all right?" my dad peeks in and asks. The sound of the remote chipping the tv screen must have been louder than I thought. "Oh, Allie. What the hell are you doing watching that crap?" he asks after seeing Giuliana Rancic pointing out the huge rock on Caitlyn Black's finger. Yes, that's Caitlyn Black. So you haven't officially released it to the press, but you and I both know you tied the knot. I give a small grunt.

"The only way I know what the hell's going on," I sputter, after slowing picking up the batteries. My dad pulls me into a big hug, and I inhale the familiar scent of cigar smoke.

"It doesn't matter what's going on out there with him. Only what's going on with you matters. I thought the whole point of coming back home was to get away from there," he responded. But it does matter. It matters to my dad too, I can tell. He can't even say your name. It matters when my only chance of being a mother has sailed. I'm 27 and divorced. No one wants to marry a crazy divorcee with tons of baggage and no money settlement out here in the midwest. We're hardcore out here. It's not like Hollywood, where the divorce rate out there is almost 100%. And I think I've had enough of Hollywood to last a lifetime. We're independent out here in the middle of nowhere and no one remarries except for widowers, like my father. It's times like these when I wish my mother was still alive to tell me all about the mysteries of love.

"If you say so," I grumble, just to make him go away. I really just want to be left alone and isolated. It's what I deserve, going into and out of a loveless marriage. He heads back out to his shed. He's making a new dresser for my 17 year old half-sister Sydney, as a reward for a new gig in a washing machine commercial. "My model daughter is going to need a new dresser for her new glamourous clothes!" he had said.

Ha. He said that to me once too, when I was heading out to Hollywood to chase my dream as a photographer. Funny how that ended up. I haven't picked up a camera for years. My half-sisters once looked up to me. They used to brag that their sister married a superstar and lived in the city of Angels. That's the real shit out here, where everyone just lives to live. Isn't that hilarious? I wonder they're once jealous friends are saying now. "Oh there goes Paris Jacobson's sister. She got dumped, now she's just a midwestern nobody like us". Just hilarious.

My sisters are something else. They're obsessed with the fabulous life, except for London who has already been shipped off to nursing school on the east coast. Just like their mother, Eliza. Eliza had big expectations of herself when she was young, but then she fell in love with my simple carpenter daddy. She traded her actress dreams for love. I guess she and I are alike that way, except for Eliza found happiness in something she never imagined, being a housewife and mother. But as homage to her old dreams, she named each of her daughters after the place they were conceived, as part of some glam Hollywood name they could use if they ever made it. I think it's a little freaky and gross, but whatever floats her boat. Her boat is floating a lot better than mine, so who am I to judge?

I think I will go pay my sister Sydney a visit in her isolated teenage room. She's the closest thing to a best friend I've got these days. All my childhood pals have married off and become dutiful mothers and housewives. I obviously have no friends in Hollywood. My "friends" were just your friends that ditched me when you left me for her. I knock on her door, which has been painted hot pink with glitter, as a tribute to the Hollywood life she envisions.

"Hey Syd, whatcha doing?" I ask, trying to act sisterly. She's lying on her bedspread, which has stars all over it. How appropriate for a girl who wants to make it big.

"Trying to think of my stage name. I can't be Sydney Jacobson," she says exasperated. I try to hide a giggle, and it seems to have worked.

"Why not? It's who you are," I reply. If there's one thing I've learned after going through hell with you, it's that a tiger can't change its stripes. I thought I was the shit, a Hollywood wife, but look at me now. I'm back home, still the small town girl I was.

"Because it sounds bad. I can't be a one name only person, like Cher, because then people would like ask about why I'm named Sydney, and that's just like ew. Do you think Reese Witherspoon was born Reese Witherspoon? No, Allie. She was MADE a star," my sister drags on dramatically in long run on teenage sentences I haven't heard in a while.

"Well, let me tell you Syd. It's not worth it. Hollywood is just full of lies, deception and dying dreams," I tell her bluntly, hoping to save her the trouble I went through with you. My sister looks shocked at my openness about you and I.

"What?" I ask and gently lift her jaw back up to close that O her mouth has made.

"It's just you're so...out there about this now. I'd be pissed as hell," she says in all seriousness.

"Well, I am pissed as hell. Just not at him. At me. I should have seen that he was still in love with her. I should have known better than to break up the NAITLYN. It wasn't her fault, Sydney. I was just in the way of destiny," I say, sounding very wise.

"But aren't you the slightest bit sad?" she asks truly interested.

"Oh, I'm extremely sad and disappointed. The last five years of my life were a waste. Now I'm just trying to save you from wasting your youth away too," I reply, without knowing how bitter I sound. I guess that's just another thing you did to me.

"Hmmm. Well, maybe it'll be different for me," she ponders. My sister is truly a dreamer; she hasn't given up on her modeling dreams. She'll become the next Tyra Banks even if she has to become the next Alyson Black.

"Maybe". That's all I can say, because that's all I know. Nothing is for sure, and nothing lasts. It's just all maybes in life.


	22. Chapter 22

Mmmm, are you tickling me again? Stop it, I want to go back to sleep. I grunt, hoping you'll stop and leave me alone. Uh oh, the grunt didn't work. Maybe if I make a Serena Williams like one, you'll let me sleep in. Isn't that what husbands do? Let their wives sleep in after an exciting night?

"You have no idea how hot you sound," you whisper in my ear. Okay, wrong reaction from the husband. I thought a grunt would get the message across. But you stop tickling. Instead you decide to drop butterfly kisses along my body.

"Stop it baby. I wanna go back to sleep," I groan, finally opening my eyes. Do you not understand that if you want to have hot sex all night long, I need a late morning nap?

"Noooooo. You and Mitchie are going shopping today remember?" you say. Oh yeah, that.

"Do I have to?" I half whimper. I have no idea how pathetic I probably look. You let out a laugh.

"Well, you scheduled it. If you want, I'll go call her up and cancel for you. We can stay in bed the whole day," you snicker and raise your eyebrows. Nice try.

"Nuhuh. Caitlyn can't handle anymore of those shenanigans. Nate exhausted her last night and she needs to get up to meet with her not horny best friend," I ponder out loud. I start talking in third person when I'm extremely tired. It makes me sound like a Sesame Street character. Reminds of the time when we guest starred on an episode of Sesame Street. Yayyy, fun times.

I drag myself up by the sheer pink nightgown I'm wearing. I still need to shower and get ready. I reach for the velvet box on the nightstand. I slip on my wedding ring. You smile at the gesture and kiss the tip of my nose.

"Can we go on our honeymoon yet? I don't like sharing my wife with Mitchie anymore," you declare with a frown. I have to laugh, since you sound like a disappointed six year old.

"Soon enough baby. We're leaving next week, after my parents' send off party. I'm off to buy a cocktail dress today. And you go buy a new tux. It's going to be first time we're being seen together as a married couple to our families," I say exasperated. I shimmy out of my nightgown, to your pleasure, and walk into the huge shower.

One shower, three outfits, and five "Where the hell did I put that?"s, I was ready to go. Just in time for shopping with Mitchie. When I come down the stairs, Mitchie is sitting with you and you're telling her all about our cruise.

"So, Caitlyn's parents gave us a cruise around the Mediterranean for a wedding gift. We're leaving this Sunday. You and Shane are going to be there right?" you ask eagerly to Mitchie.

"Wouldn't miss it. That's why we're going shopping for dresses to wear to your send off party. Duh, Nathaniel," Mitchie says matter of factly.

"Hey Mitch. Ready to go?" I ask.

"Yup. But you look awful, what gives?" Mitchie asks straight up. You can always count on Mitchie to be painfully honest. Another horrible quality she's picked up from me.

"Tired. 'Tried 15 ways to ignite our nights'," I half explain, half yawn. I shoot a look to your direction. You're just lounging on the couch, with an innocent smile on your face.

Mitchie raises an eyebrow, so I point to the open magazine on the floor. Allure's page on new ways to please my husband is doggy eared. As Mitchie reads on, her expression just gets more and more hilarious.

"Hmmm..oh..OHHHH," Mitchie yelps and drops the magazine to the ground. Haha.

"Don't worry yourself, Mitchie darling, we only went up to 5. But you and Shane knock yourselves out," I smile. I just love watching my Mitchie squirm. You of course, have a day dreaming expression on your face, as usual.

"I won't. Let's hit the mall," she suggests. So I wave goodbye and blow you a kiss. We hope into Mitchie's miniscule car and jet off to the mall in search of cocktail dresses.

As we pull up into a reserved parking space for the one and only Mrs. Shane Gray, I already have my dress envisioned.

"So I want a red or black dress, to stick out and be bold. Or do you think I should go white and try for the classic bride idea," I ask.

Mitchie scoffs. "You? Classic bride. Hardly. I think eloping pretty much kicks the classic bride idea out the door. Go with red, Caitlyn. Black is so…Alyson," Mitchie replies with a shudder.

I laugh. "Okay, so I want a red slinky dress, with sequins. Kind of like a dancing outfit," I tell her all about the dress I've been dreaming about.

"Okay, just don't go overboard with stuff on it. There's only so much sparkly stuff a girl can handle," Mitchie warns me.

"I won't. And you should know I'm not just any girl. Besides, I won't wear any accessories," I say. We cruise the mall, until I see THE dress in the window of a small boutique. It was like light from the heavens went and shone on it. Of course, being the compulsive person I am, decide to just grab it in my size without trying it on, and buying it right then and there.

"I better not have dropped or went up a size…." I grunt to Mitchie five minutes after buying it. All my best friend has for me is a laugh.

"Well maybe you should have tried it on before buying it…" Mitchie says, sarcastically.

"It's not like I can go back in there and demand a fitting room, Jesus Christ Mitchie," I snapped back.

"Okay, okay Miss Grumpy Pants. What's gotten into you?" she asks, backing off.

"Nothing. I'm just tired that's all," I reply.

"Sure. If you say so," Mitchie quips. I'm fine because I say so…right?


	23. Chapter 23

I walked into the grand ballroom of the S.S. Caitlyn, prepared to be judged. What if her parents decided that I was a no good cheating scum of a son-in-law? What if this was all a scam to throw me into the sea? Luckily, you felt my nervousness and squeezed my hand to reassure me. You flashed me a warm smile and I gave you a kiss in return.

A huge banner was hung up in the gallows of the ballroom. "Welcome Newlyweds!" it read. It was very flasy, to say the least. The letters were writing in diamonds and on gold satin. Obviously, it was Caitlyn's mom's idea. Speaking of Mrs. Gellar…

"Darling!" she exclaimed and engulfed you into a hug, "How's married life treating you? Are you excited for the cruise?". She kept shooting the questions one after another. I was intimidated and this woman wasn't even my mother. Oh yeah, my new in-laws decided to give us a cruise around the world on the S.S. Caitlyn as a wedding gift. This was our send off party before we went on the honeymoon.

"Wonderful, mom. Yes, mom. Nate and I have been looking forward to it all week," you reply with a collected voice. Mrs. Gellar seems to have finally noticed me and yells, "Nathaniel!" despite the glares from the other guests. But she doesn't really care, it's her party. Just like you.

"You better treat my daughter right this time, young man. But I have no doubt in my mind that you won't," she warns me like a mother hen. You looked like an embarrassed teenager about the sink into her hole of despair.

"You bet, Mrs. Gellar," I answer, hoping it will satisfy her.

"Psh, Mrs. Gellar. We're family now darling, you can call me Mom!," she yells again. It is way too early for her to be this hyper.

"Yeah. I think I need a drink. Where's the bar, _mom_?" I ask, enunciating the mom, hoping she'll let me escape.

"Right over there," she says while gesturing to a corner. It seems to have worked. I flash you an apologetic smile, hoping you'll forgive me for leaving you alone with your mother.

"Well, I'll catch up with you ladies later," I say, trying to summon all the Southern charm I don't posses up.

"Bye, Nate!" Mrs. Gellar yells and waves a beauty pageant wave. This woman may be extravagant but she definitely is a keeper.

One scotch on the rocks later, I'm sitting at my VIP table, socializing with Donald Trump Jr. How did I ever get in this position?

"Really? Uh huh," I feign interest in Don Jr.'s economic theories. Oh god when will this stop? Why can't I just have my honeymoon with my wife all to myself? Oh, it seems that Don Jr. has sighted you coming towards me and excuses himself.

I squint, and see that indeed, it is you. You're coming closer, and is that a…..kid….in your arms? You reach over and kiss me on the cheek, the smell of your perfume lingering.

"So baby, what the hell is that?" I blurt, without thinking. Uh wrong move. Shock is written all over your gorgeous face. I can see your small mouth start to say something but then snap shut again. I can see anger flashing in your eyes and you turn on your heel and stomp away. Shit! What did I do now?!?!? Oh yeah, I just called a living human being, not to mention an adorable one, a "that".

I rush in her direction, hoping to find you to apologize, but Mitchie stops me.

"Don't. Not yet, but she's out on the deck," she warns me, her hand on my arm, stopping me from moving any closer to you. Okay, I guess I'll just wait then. Hmm…ticktock. What should I do? Oh fuck this. I'm going to find you. Screw Mitchie. Eh, I'll leave that up to Shane. I'm your husband, I think I can make my own decisions.

I open the door to the deck, and find you shivering on a bench, knees up to your chin, totally not caring about the fact that your dress has ridden way up.

"Hey," I say apprehensively and take off my jacket and drape it on your bare shoulders.

"Hi," you cut me off short.

"Look I'm sorry I called the girl a that. Baby, I know what I did wrong, and it just came out the wrong way. Please believe me, I didn't mean to hurt you," I blurt it all out, hoping for your forgiveness because we can't spend our honeymoon like this, "Let's not fight Caity, it's our honeymoon." That seems to get across you because you turn your head towards mine, eyes wide.

"Well what are you going to do when we have one of those?" you rapidly fire at me, "Call her a that in her face? Make him think his daddy doesn't love him and respect him as a person? For god's sake Nate, they're human beings, not pieces of meat!" You're really angry.

"One of our own…?" I whimper, shocked at your revelation.

"What? You don't want kids? Maybe you weren't the person I thought you were. Wouldn't be the first time I thought so," you yell, a tear slipping down your rosy cheek.

"No no, I do. I want a baby with you more than anything, Caity. You just caught me off guard. And when we do have a beautiful little baby, I'll treat it with the upmost respect and be the best father I can be. I promise," I say and wipe the tear off your cheek and kiss your forehead.

"Okay," you say at last. I know I'm off the hook now, "I love you."

"I love you too. Now let's that find that baby you were carrying so I can get some daddy practice, just in case," I reply.

"That baby is your niece, Nate. She's Delilah's daughter. Her name is Debbie and she's hardly a baby. She's four. You seriously need some daddy practice if you can't tell, not that you need it," you say playfully. My Caitlyn is back.

Wow. I'm so in the dark about this baby stuff. Hmm. I grab your hand and head towards Debbie, where she is sitting on her mom's lap.

"Hey Delilah. Long time no see. Hey Debbie," I greet them.

"Hey Debbie, this is your Uncle Nate, okay?" you say kindly and slowly to the very cute little girl.

"Okay, Aunt Caitlyn. Hi Uncle Nate," she says and waves a windshield wiper motion. Wait, she can talk!!??! What??! You nudge me, signaling me to say something.

"Oh, hi Debbie. I can tell we're going to be great friends. Do you like princesses?" I ask feebly.

"Yup. My favorite is Snow White," she replies with a huge grin.

"Huh. I always liked Ariel," I say honestly.

"Ariel huh? You got a thing for redheads?" you tease me and give me a coy smile.

"Nope, I got a thing for curly haired crazies though. Let's dance," I say and lead you to the dance floor.


	24. Chapter 24

I shiver and wrap my shawl a little bit tighter around my shoulders. Sigh, it's such a beautiful night, the sky is clear and I can see the stars clearly from the deck of the S.S. Caitlyn. I should be happy, because my best friend is going off on her amazingly romantic honeymoon, but something inside is irking me. Oh, yeah we got into a huge fight this morning, about what else? You were trying to jumpstart your career, again. Why the hell can't you just accept that you're on the D-list now? Any man who loves his wife would love being on the D-list just so he could spend more time with her.

But you're not just any man. Sometimes I wish if you remember you are Shane Gray, not THE Shane Gray anymore. Why can't you see that your own wife is unhappy? Ten years ago, you would've jumped if I even did anything out of the ordinary. Now, I change my outfit five times a day, get spa treatments bimonthly, and work out at the gym two hours a day for you. Just hoping for that little glimmer of hope that maybe you will start to notice me again.

I know, I know. It's temporary, you say. Yeah, it's been temporary for six months. Sometimes, I wish I could just muster up my strength to ask for a separation. Not a real one, but maybe just to scare you into paying some attention to me.

I hear the door open then slam shut again. It's you, looking quite dashing in your suit.

"Hey," you say.

"Hi," I reply. What else can I say? One word answers are all we say these days.

"You're shivering, let's go inside," you whisper in my ear. Remember when you would offer me your coat? I bet Nate does that for Caitlyn.

"Oh wait, I have a surprise for you so let's stick it out a little while longer," you say. Wait what!??!?! I spin my head around and give you an alarmed look. Who is this person and what has he done with you? You chuckle at my shock.

"I know I know I haven't been the best husband lately, but I'm trying. So…" you trail off and point to the night sky. Then out of nowhere, fireworks burst off a roof, in a small private show. At the end, "Shane loves Mitchie" was spelled out. Awwww.

I spun around and gave you a kiss full on the mouth. Mmm, I haven't felt this way in a long time. I really don't have anything to say but "Thank you and I love you".

"I thought you would like it. So are we okay now?" you say.

"Well we're on the mend. And somehow I don't think a baby is the answer anymore," I reply. It's just not fair to our uncreated child to be brought into the world just to fix his/her parents' relationship. I never really wanted a baby when I was a kid either. I guess I can just steal Caitlyn's one day.

"Come on , let's go inside. I have to make a toast I think" you say and you lead me back inside, arm around my not shivering anymore shoulders.

"Did you write one? Or are you going to adlib?" I ask, genuinely curious. The last time my husband had to make a toast, well let's just say he wasn't fully sober.

"Ad-lib. And I doubt Caitlyn will care anyway. In ten hours, they'll be cruising the world having hot sex, not remembering what I said," you say with a smile, and that makes me smile.

"Okay then, just don't mess this up." I say with a fair warning. Nate and Caitlyn have worked so hard for this. They are the true sacrificers of life. Just looking at them reminds me that I still have hope with my husband. Caitlyn had to wait 5 years for the love of her life. Nate married someone he didn't love to forget about her, but that didn't work. They are the true Romeo and Juliets. Just thinking about our six month riff is embarrassing compared to their struggle.

We walk back inside, where Nate is dancing with Caitlyn's niece on his shoes, swaying back and forth. Oh wait, I guess she's his niece now too. I smile at the sight, thinking what a great father he is.

"It's okay, Mitch. We can always steal one of theirs, when they decide to wake up one day and do something crazy like run away to Argentina for a week. I couldn't put it past Caitlyn," you reassure me. How it that you always know what is going on in my head? I smile and give you a quick kiss. I think I've smiled ten times the amount I've smiled in the last month tonight.

I quickly scan the room for Caitlyn, but she's talking to her sister. Instead, I see Alyson chatting up a handsome man. Hmm, I think I will go eavesdrop. I doubt I've forgotten my eavesdropping skills from when Caitlyn and Nate first went out. Shane and I used to press our ears against the door, to hear what they were yelling about.

"So I'm Peter, Caitlyn's mom's coworker," the tall blond says casually to Alyson.

"Alyson. I'm Nate's ex-wife," she replies just as cool.

"Oh ho! Didn't see that one coming," Peter chuckles. And wait a second….did Alyson just laugh!?! Alert the authorities, the ice queen has laughed! What if she melts!??!

"It's a long story, care to join me at the bar?" Alyson offers, and extends her hand. Peter gratefully grabbed it and they left to the bar.

Aww, I'm glad Alyson got some closure. And this way, she'll never hate Caitlyn since she was the one to indirectly introduce him.

"Boo!" someone yelled into my ear. AHHH! Jesus Christ!

"Holy shit! What the hell?" I yelled as a I turned around to see you, my very amused husband.

"Back to the snooping days eh?" you said, barely containing his laughter.

"Yes, now can I help you?" I ask, very Alyson sophisticated like.

"It's toast time baby. And as the unofficial best man and maid of honor, we kind of need to be up there," you say with a grim expression. My ex-rock star husband dislikes public speaking. Yeah, ironic huh?

"Okay okay," I reply and we walk back to our table, where we clink our glasses for attention.

"The first time Nate asked me to his best man, I was shocked and extremely happy for him. After Caitlyn first left him, I never thought he would ever be happy again. I was ecstatic that he found someone to love him, but I almost didn't believe it. It was too good to be true. And it was. Because now, Nate has found the true love of his life after five years. Nate, Caitlyn you truly inspire us all. Happy honeymoon, and may this be the last time I ever have to make another best man toast," you end, leaving the room in laughter. But suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I saw my best friend faint and hit the floor in her gorgeous dress.

"Oh my god!" I gasp and my hand flies to my mouth. But then, tough as nails Caitlyn is up again.

"It's alright. I just got a little heat flash, I'm fine," Caitlyn says with a struggle, since Nate is at her every move.

"Oh, I had those ALL the time when I was pregnant with Debbie," Delilah yells in her jovial voice.

And for the second time that night, Caitlyn Gellar Black fainted again.


	25. Chapter 25

FROM: ME

It's been exactly one year. One year since we've reunited. One year that you've been mine and mine only. One year that I've been the happiest of my life. I can't believe my luck and I can't believe this is really happening. After all that we've been through, I deserve it and so do you.

It seems a lot like yesterday these days. When we used to yell at each other for hours over stupid childish things then laugh at ourselves for hours. We still do that, but not over which side of the tour bus we should get. We yell, argue, struggle with the real things. Real things like marriage and divorce and babies. We've really grown up, despite our eternal happiness.

I remember when we used to lay in bed for hours, dreaming about our futures. It seems unreal that the future is finally happening. We don't have time to dream anymore, because our lives are better than dreams.

I'm all cured of dark and twisty Caitlyn because of you. You gave me back my life. Without you, crazy spontaneous Caitlyn with her witty jokes would be replaced with stone cold career focused Caitlyn. What I'm trying to say is that you make me whole, Nate Black.

Every day I look down and I can't see my feet. Instead, I see the most beautiful sight in the world. I see a bump peeking out of my stomach, a perfect little bump. And when that bump moves, I melt a little bit inside just at the thought of this baby, our baby. Then I feel sorry for you, because you will never be able to enjoy the wonder of motherhood. Oh well.

You see, this bump means more to me than you think. This bump represents a fresh start, a new beginning. This bump is the beginning of our adult life together. It is the beginning of us. It is the beginning of beginnings. It brings us closer and closer each day. What really makes me excited is that fact that this bump will not be the last of "bumps". We get new adventure each day, good or bad. The best part of those adventures is that we do them all together. I can't wait to embrace this bump, for real.

I can almost see him or her. She or he will have gorgeous curls, obviously, and the most brown eyes. And she or he will be named Naitlyn. No, just kidding. I think I want to give him or her a name with a real meaning. A baby this special deserves a special name. No, I don't mean Destiny or Shawniqua special. I mean a divine name, because this baby is most definitely not ordinary. This baby is extraordinary, I can feel it. It brought its superstar parents that love each other so much.

Watching you watching me used to make me self-conscious, but it doesn't anymore. I've spent too long wishing you would turn my way, and now you have. I love it when you stare at my swollen stomach and talk to our little treasure. I doubt you were this way with Alyson.

No more distractions, no more Alysons or Gregs, no more meddling parents. You've saved me from drowning in my own pit of despair, just like I saved you from yours.

We're not young anymore, but we are just as happy, if not happier. This last year has been the best year of my life. An amazing cruise around the world, a long lost best friend, and most importantly you.

I love you so much Nate Black and, I can't wait to meet our future. You've caught me. Your chase is over.

TO: YOU

_OMG THANK YOU READERS!! You've been so amazing for my first story. As Caitlyn said, the chase is over. Bell of all Belles is now up, here's a link. _

_.net/s/5060167/1/Bell_of_all_Belles_

_Remember to review that too!_


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